tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69025854195058248542012-09-22T13:55:03.480-04:00Journey to SagacityThe Journey after I decided to live for a purpose and realized that it doesn't happen all at once.Laurie Alvesnoreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-85870932861181773172012-09-22T13:53:00.003-04:002012-09-22T13:55:03.505-04:002012-09-22T13:55:03.505-04:00The moment the bottom drops out...I am writing because I can't speak the words without crying.<br />
Ya know how it feels to have someone who is your everything? Someone you live and breath for every single day of your life? The someone you give and give... and give some more. I know the theme is already hitting me ....this is way too familiar. This is the theme of my life. This same thing happened with my son..<br />
I gave and gave and gave... and in the end He betrayed me. Betrayed me without even a word of remorse. My own Son, Why should I expect any different from someone who isn't my family. Someone who will NEVER be my family. Wait...why does "family" seem synonymous with loyalty to me? Ha...does family automatically mean loyalty? Nope.<br />
In all of my learning I have to take this back to ego. I know my ego is what is causing my pain right now...but I am so trying to understand why my feelings should be ignored. My is it that if I hurt someone else, I have to feel bad, but when they hurt me I have to not feel hurt. I can't hold anyone else accountable. My feelings are my feelings. But DAMN does that give someone the right to treat me badly? I mean BADLY!!<br />
I feel like a child. I just want to run away. But I have no where to go. I'm alone...I'm without any semblance of security. I am in pain...and I have no way of healing. The core of my Maslow's Pyramid has crumbled. Now what?Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-75003168997609026872012-04-20T20:09:00.002-04:002012-04-20T20:09:53.184-04:002012-04-20T20:09:53.184-04:00Doing the "Right Thing"Remember when I said that Someone's own perception of their life might not be as it seems to others? I also have come to realize that people react toward others under their perceptions, not always on truth or fact.<br />
Don't people ever stop and wonder what the "truth" really is in a given situation? How about just "doing the right thing"? Oh wait, there is no "right thing" in any situation. The "right thing" is defined as whatever is right for <i>that</i> person. Free Will. Anybody is allowed to do as they please. There are only constraints put in place by consequences set out by (society). The choice is a personal one.Who gave "Society" the power to deem any act "right" or "not right"? The only thing for me would be when there is an "illegal" act. But even then, the defense lawyer brings about "reasons" why the act is justifiable. Who's to say what is "right" in any case, in any situation? Are we to say God???<br />
What if you don't believe there is a God? Do you still conform to doing what is "right"?<br />
"What is right" is what *feels* right inside. Whatever makes it easy to sleep at night. Whatever makes your heart at peace. Even for those "conscience-less" people, who fervently defend their words and actions with deflection, blame and justification there is a time when they have to lay down their heads to sleep or summate the entirety of their lives while on their death beds.<br />
I've seen it time and time again...Words left unspoken. Apologies and hurt feelings left hanging in the balance.<br />
I can honestly say with every spec of my being I have very few regrets. And have no "should-have's" to speak of. I actively live with a passion for peace in my heart. I wholly believe in karma and know that there will come a time to make peace and my heart is clear.<br />
I pray for anyone and everyone who thinks that their day won't come. People that cast off other's feelings as trivial and relationships as vehicles of personal gain. I pray that they learn sooner rather than later so they can experience the peace that a life purposefully lived can bring.<br />
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<br />Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-40906123190149113452011-06-19T19:39:00.002-04:002011-06-19T19:40:00.895-04:002011-06-19T19:40:00.895-04:00AcceptanceJust a weird morning:.....<br />
I woke today with a cloudiness. I have no recollection of what I dreamt, no idea what the basis for this "fog" is...but nevertheless I can't clear my mind. My heart is on the verge of a good cry...don't ask me why..it just is...I sat for a while had a cup of tea and quieted myself to try to get some sense of it.<br />
I thought about nothing...concentrated on the quiet...and then the picture became as clear as a 70 inch HDTV!<br />
I am about to go on a trip. A vacation of sorts. 10+ days seeing people who have judged me and expected things of me, my entire life.<br />
I know in order to feel mercy and acceptance I first have to accept myself. I honestly thought I lived that creed. So why am I so anxious? These people don't pay my bills. Their opinion has never changed 1 iota of my life. What they think of me is not a game changer for me in anyway...Is this truly the issue?<br />
I think my fog is really more of walking the talk...Am I ready? Do I really accept myself?<br />
Well...Yes. I accept that I have had faults, I have made mistakes but I have also never intentionally hurt anyone. So yes, I accept myself just as I am..dyed grays & thunder thighs and all!<br />
Ya know, Psalms 139 says "<i>He knows words that we have not yet uttered</i>". <i>He</i> accepts us. It may be because he knows the outcome, it may be just because He made us. The only true unconditional love we ever receive comes from <i>Him</i>. I'm good with that.<br />
I know I am not what other people want me to be..or think I should be. I also know, I have done the best I can, with the tools I have been given. I know people and events come into my life so that I may learn from them. I do the best I can. I learn what I can, and I move on. So there it is... Mind cleared.<br />
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You either join me in my journey by accepting me the way I am, or step aside as I move on, because I plan to <i>Enjoy</i> the ride.<br />
<br />Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-43172711713078888002011-04-15T14:53:00.000-04:002011-04-15T14:53:47.085-04:002011-04-15T14:53:47.085-04:00How can I be happy for someone else?I know that lately I haven't written much. I want so badly for this blog to be a place where you come to find an uplifting spirit. A place where you can find the answer to something you haven't been able to deal with well.<br />
But since I have started to Food Blog (which I so whole heartedly love) I have not had a sense of wanting to share...I have felt that the more successful I appear the more people wish me badly. I see it in their smiles, I hear it in their voice...When they smile and say "How great for you"...and lower their eyes...I know in my heart that this is normal human behavior..but it's also normal human behavior to want the people closest to you to be happy for your accomplishments.<br />
It's funny to live a life where the people you hold dear are not happy for you nor are interested in the fact that you are living your dream.<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1835XTjXeOU/TaiT5W04_bI/AAAAAAAAAUs/wh_4spihtNo/s1600/confused.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1835XTjXeOU/TaiT5W04_bI/AAAAAAAAAUs/wh_4spihtNo/s320/confused.jpg" width="320" /></a>In that vein, I recently found myself in a similar position. I had a new friend who I admired very much who does something similar to what I do, just she bakes solely cupcakes. In her last blog entry she announced that her "cupcakes" were highlighted on Martha Stewart. I was thrilled for her...but I felt in the back of my heart a pang...I began to ask my self...why her and not me? Why is it that she has the time to spend on networking so successfully to get her product idea on Martha Stewart? She has been blogging less time than me..Yet she has such a bigger presence than me. Why?? What does she do differently?<br />
Hold on....Why does this matter? Why do I care? Why can't I just be happy for her and let it be that?<br />
Am I a hypocrite? I truly am happy for her. I truly believe that there is room in the world for everyone's success...Why am I so quick to be so judgmental of myself?<br />
I need to watch some videos...I need to read..I need to replenish...I am confused...<br />
I know I have dedicated all of time ( 28, 18-hour days) getting together a really beautiful cookbook! I know I have made strides in my life. I know I attained the accomplishment I set out for in that project! Why does the accomplishment of <i>another</i> throw <i>Me</i> for a loop?? I need to look deeper into this...I think I am missing something...<br />
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Any thoughts?Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-15716723857076921922011-04-10T14:48:00.001-04:002011-04-10T14:54:44.752-04:002011-04-10T14:54:44.752-04:00What is your Definition?Through life people are constantly telling us what and who they think we are.<br />
If we hear it long enough we tend to believe it. It <i>sticks</i> with us.<br />
What we dont understand is that we actually become who <i><b>we</b></i> think we are. Why do we believe what they say? Why do we allow someone else to define or label us?<br />
We don't know better? We don't know ourselves? Aren't we the ones who live our lives?<br />
Did you know that <i>Albert Einstein'</i>s teacher told his father that Albert would never be successful?<br />
Laughable isn't it? Why is that? Because we have seen the "end result". We didn't see him when he was 12. We didn't grow up with him, when he was goofy and getting into trouble, because he didn't want to play soccer or football and just wanted to read or perform experiments. Well, guess what...<br />
His father believed the teacher and then the Father told Albert. He told him all the time. He told him he wasn't going to amount to much. Told him to stop reading...it wouldn't help him where he was going...<br />
Guess Albert didn't believe his father huh? The man was gutsy wasn't he? How dare he go outside the realm of what everybody else thought. Kinda funny if you think about it. But, we do it all the time. We allow people to define us.<br />
Albert Einstein's story only proves stronger that other people's opinions don't define us.<br />
Other people do not create our destiny. We do!<br />
Another example:<br />
A boy had a high school counselor that told him that he wasnt going to go anywhere and that he should concentrate in a vocational area. She said that he would never make it through college nor be able to attain a higher degree. The boy went on to believe he was never going to be above average, not talented, be a <i>just get by</i> kind of person. He continued to wear the label his high school counselor gave him year after year. He only applied for menial jobs. He sure didn't have the confidence to do anything otherwise. The label "stuck" with him. He continued to believe "I'm not that smart. I just don't have what it takes." He went into the job market and got a job working in a factory. Year after year he worked and truly believed he couldn't do anymore than he was doing. One day this factory closed. He found himself having to apply to another factory, but this factory had a pre-employment IQ test. He took the test.<br />
The Hiring person came to him and asked WHY are you applying for this entry level, menial position? You have the best score on the test we have ever had in our company's history!<br />
That day the Man realized that the label everyone put him on him was not true. Finally that "belief" was broken in his mind. He realized he had only become the person other people believed him to be. He hadn't stopped to realize he never thought about who <i><b>He</b></i> thought he was.<br />
Do yourself a favor. Shake off the labels and definitions someone else has put on you. Never allow someone else to tell you what your limits are. Only you can decide that. Understand that even if we make mistakes along the way, if we have missteps, we have every capability of getting up and moving forward.<br />
Other people dont decide your destiny, <i><b>You</b></i> do! Believe That!<br />
I know, I know there are naysayers. Haters if you will. People who would rather see you do not so well, than live the life of dreams fulfilled! You believe they are telling you these things to not get your hopes up and keep you grounded. I say, Bull !!!<br />
When someone finds fault in what your doing, understand that they are not where you are, nor are they where <b><i>they</i></b> want to be. They don't know how to get where you are and instead of being happy for you they have decided to find fault in what you are doing. They think if they can push you down and make you look smaller it makes them look bigger. It's then easier for them to not look at what they're missing in their life.<br />
Eleanor Roosevelt said ~ "<i>No one can make you feel inferior without your permission</i>."~<br />
Remember You are not what people call you, you are what you <i>answer</i> to. You are who <b>you</b> believe you are. Believe you are destined for everything you want in life! Believe you are a good person Believe you have good intentions, and want a great life!<br />
Be happy with what you have. Be happy in where you're going, and in what you do! Know you are deserving. Revel in the blessing. Know that <i>You</i> are the creator of your destiny and you deserve the fruits of your labor!<br />
Know that nobody is "perfect". Nobody does everything right on the first try. Life is a journey of steps.<br />
Nothing says we can't enjoy the ride! Revel in everything! Be happy for everything. Know that if you are in a bad place, it wont last forever. It's just a side step in a Great journey. It's another paragraph in the story of your life. Enjoy it! The outcome will be that much sweeter!Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-65944950652541191682011-02-14T19:21:00.000-05:002011-02-14T19:21:30.743-05:002011-02-14T19:21:30.743-05:00Today, I wish you enough...Today I was blessed to see a tweet from Paulo Coelho. <br />
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He is a mentor of mine who shares such wonderful thoughts with his friends and those who follow him. His love and thoughfulness amazes me sometimes. If you ever have the chance you might want to read a book of his "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(novel)">The Alchemist</a>".<br />
Will Smith was an impetus for my coming to Paulo. For this I will be forever thankful!<br />
The story the <b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Alchemist_(novel)">Alchemist</a></b> shares the journey of a young man who is on a path of learning. He comes to know patience and the ability to listen to the universe and what it is telling you. He develops faith and the ability to recognize "treasure".<br />
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The tweet I refer to is from an email Paulo Coelho quotes on his blog: "<a href="http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/02/14/i-wish-you-enough/">Paulo Coelho's Blog</a>"<br />
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"I wish you enough"<br />
The story is about a Father and Daughter's Goodbye at an airport.<br />
His last words to her were "I love you. I wish You enough".<br />
The person listening is trying not to intrude, but cannot help herself and approaches the "father" after the daughter departs. As the father looks out of the window at the departing plane, she asks "Excuse me sir, I don't mean to intrude, but I overheard you say to your daughter "I wish you enough". Can I ask what you meant by that? .....<br />
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Read Mr Coelho's Blog...the answer is entrancing. "<a href="http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/02/14/i-wish-you-enough/">I wish you enough</a>"<br />
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</div>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-42031253898442183872011-01-25T14:31:00.000-05:002011-01-25T14:31:52.794-05:002011-01-25T14:31:52.794-05:00Heroes Live Among Us..You don't have to look far.On Thursday Morning Jan 20, 2011 A News story broke in with quite a solemn voice and said<br />
"<i>We have a situation in South Miami where a squad of Police Officers has attempted to "serve a warrant" on an accused homicide suspect and shots have been fired." Details are sketchy</i>".<br />
They then just, returned to regular programming.<br />
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As I drank my coffee, I gave it no additional thought. I live in Miami. "Shots fired" is not alarming here. Unfortunately, this is an everyday occurrence. I live in a metropolis where "guns" are a part of everyday life for some people. As inhabitants of this metropolis we learn to stay out of the "hotspots" and be very vigilant with our family members to stay out of harms way. We don't "throw the finger" when someone cuts us off. We don't scream out the window when our neighbors are making too much noise. We become very aware of what little it could take to lose your life. But the Police, Rescue and Fire Personnel don't have that luxury. They don't get to choose their surroundings. They Go!<br />
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Even though we know, we sometimes become numb to the thought that your "life" may mean so little to another human being. You pray as I do, that the "human" factor in everyone will help them make the "right" decision. On Thursday morning as I watched the news, I became painfully aware that this just isn't true. I became aware that every occasion is different and that on a very basic level, I need to take the time to be sure that my family knows how much I love them and how much their influence and presence in my life is important!<br />
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When the 12:00 news began , I was stunned to find out that 4 Officers had gone to the home of a Homicide Suspect's Mother to serve an arrest warrant. 2 Officers were permitted into the home (by the suspects sister) only to be ambushed and gunned down, by the suspect who rushed out of an inner bedroom. One officer immediately succumbed and the 2nd later died in surgery. A third officer who had been assigned to cover the windows heard the shots and came to the aid of his fellow officers, killing the gunman. (The homicide suspect).<br />
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You're probably asking why I am telling you this story. It's been all over the news and I'm sure you've heard it, and thought "tsk..tsk....what a tragedy". You probably don't think it hits home for you. You may or may not live in Miami. I tell you this story for 2 reasons:<br />
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*I personally am in awe of the fact that someone can take someone else's life just because he knows his is gone.<br />
*Secondly, and most importantly I am in awe of people who will not only <b>risk</b> but <b>give up</b> their life for the service they do for their community.<br />
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For those of you who live in a metropolis as I do, look around, listen, observe. Do you see them? Do you hear the sirens? Do you see their cars at the side of the road?<br />
For those of you who do not live in a metropolis as I do. For those of you from a small town like the one I grew up in. Those small town officers who stop you "for nothing". Those officers, you went to school with, their wives you work with, their children who play soccer with your children. Think about them. They <b>RISK</b> their lives for <b>YOU</b>. What about those Volunteer Fire Departments? Volunteer Rescue Squad people, who pull your neighbors out of their mangled unrecognizable cars and get them to the hospital just in the nick of time. What about that EMT or Nurse that lives in your building that you ask those medical questions to.. as they are going off to work? Ever give these people more than a passing thought?<br />
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I am asking you to please be mindful, that they are People. They are People who have lives, families, children, spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings...and they would give it all up to be sure <b>YOU</b> are safe.<br />
Those people are feeling the brunt of the "murders" of the police officers in Miami and now in St Pete & Detroit! This incident has brought the "risk" factor to the forefront of not only their minds but also of their families minds.<br />
This piece of Video is what stands in my mind ...this makes it all <b>REAL</b>. This makes the officers <b>REAL</b> <b>PEOPLE</b> for me. Take a look<br />
<script src="http://video.miami.cbslocal.com/global/video/videoplayer.js?rnd=897987;hostDomain=video.miami.cbslocal.com;playerWidth=400;playerHeight=340;isShowIcon=true;clipId=5497549;flvUri=;partnerclipid=;adTag=News;advertisingZone=undefined;enableAds=false;landingPage=null;islandingPageoverride=false;playerType=POPUP_EMBEDDEDscript" type="text/javascript">
</script><br />
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For <b>Roger Castillo</b> and <b>Amanda Haworth</b> I can only say, I didn't know you and I know you didn't KNOW me. But you died in service for ME, and I appreciate you, THANK YOU.<br />
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<b>Please take a moment. Send your local Police Station a Card. Say Thank You. Stop by your Firestation and bring them a dozen donuts. Say Thank You. They need it right now. They are there when we need them. They don't blink when the tones go off, or when the dispatcher calls. Let them know you think of that and are Grateful!</b>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-63330604078263052632011-01-09T14:57:00.000-05:002011-01-09T14:57:09.553-05:002011-01-09T14:57:09.553-05:00Make Obstacles a Catapult for your Journey..instead of an Excuse to stop.What an eventful week this has been. I am so happy to be able to relay some new revelations that have come about in my life. I so hope it inspires you to know that no matter how low things get, <strong>IT WILL GET BETTER!</strong><br />
If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been journalling my journey, my path and my outlook for approximately 5 months. In this journal I have outlined some very key factors that have changed my outlook on things and on the way my <em><strong>perception</strong></em> (the way I see things), when changed can effect my life in very <strong>REAL</strong> ways. (ie: "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."~<a href="http://www.drwaynedyer.com/">Dr Wayne Dyer)</a><br />
I have personally spoken to so many people in the last few months who have said "Gee, I never looked at it that way". This inspires me to move forward, and keep journalling. Make no mistake about it, This has been a LooooNG and drudgerous road. I have documented many, many misteps and I'm sure I will make a few more. Just yesterday, the closest person to me compared me to Dr Dyer and said "<em>Even</em> Dr Dyer says anger is not effective". This person had been screaming for 3 hours..and was upset that I finally said "STOP" in no uncertain terms. LOL<br />
This is something I want to point out. Something I think many people get caught up in. The "I would do better if it wasn't for <em><strong>so and so</strong></em>".. mantra. I think the revelation in my mind today was brought about by something I heard from "<a href="http://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Index.aspx">Pastor Joel Osteen</a>". Not necessarily a religious revelation but a thought about "obstacles" or "perceived obstacles". A Person can get so caught up in the "details" of everyday life that the "big picture" gets lost. <br />
Example: Fighting with someone. If you are a person in a relationship, girlfriend / boyfriend, man / wife, sister / brother, parent / child, boss / employee, colleague / colleague, you know that "fighting" is emotionally draining, most of the time futile, and a downright waste of precious time. But our ego says "I am RIGHT" so it matters to point that out, and fight for it. If you know in your heart your right, what difference does it make if everyone else knows? And if you know your wrong, why bother fighting? apologize first thing, and move on. A perfect example of this was a friend came to me and said "I'm sorry..." I immediately said, Ok. Immediately I then moved on to ask a question completely unrelated to the subject. My friend became extremely frustrated with me. He said, "You don't know what I'm sorry for". I answered "Does it matter? How about we go with You're sorry, I forgive you, I love you, Next....?" He became so frustrated he went on and on for hours again! I asked many times, why it was so important that he explain and essentially dump his feelings of guilt on me? Why couldn't he just allow me to forgive him and move on? He said "Because that's not the way it's "<em>suppose</em>" to go." 'Well", I said, "It's the way it goes with me..now can we move on?" The time spent duking it out is so much better spent doing something you enjoy or something productive. Sometimes it's hard for people to get over the "details".<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TSn0iIKnwJI/AAAAAAAAAE0/2_JRKm_oN2c/s1600/david_and_goliath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TSn0iIKnwJI/AAAAAAAAAE0/2_JRKm_oN2c/s200/david_and_goliath.jpg" width="143" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">There's one other point to know. Sometimes people are put in our lives to catapult us to the next level of awareness. Truly everyone we come in contact with, is in our life to teach us something. The sooner we accept this the easier it is to accept people's differences. This is something that will further us on our path of awareness. For instance, What would David had been without Goliath??? If David had not come against his strongest enemy would he have been the man he became? Need something more powerful? Ok, JESUS...where would Jesus be without Judas? Ok, I know this is severe, but realistically...Judas was a disciple! He was a Close confidant. He betrayed Jesus and because of this Jesus was Crucified! Jesus then became the redeemer of the Earth! Ok maybe a strong reference, but look over history, there are a million stories of people who were told they couldn't do something or pushed out of something, or betrayed, or fired on someone's whim, only then to Forge through to make their own way and do phenomenally better!</div> <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image by Karen Swim</td></tr>
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">My point is..Life has struggles. Life has obstacles. Without them we can't appreciate the <em>upside</em>. The only reason I can say this is because I have been there and I continue to forge on the path.</div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TSn1XSKTzfI/AAAAAAAAAE4/WORgulBxwBY/s1600/path.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TSn1XSKTzfI/AAAAAAAAAE4/WORgulBxwBY/s200/path.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Keep walking with me...Stop whining, Stop crying, and as they say look for the "New Door" that has opened. <strong>It's there.</strong> We need to choose how we look at things, and understand that every moment wasted on whining, crying and victimizing ourselves is a moment lost on the path forward. If we <strong>choose</strong> to think "Things happen <strong>FOR</strong> me, instead of things happen <strong>TO</strong> me"...We have taken one step Forward today. Every journey is taken ONE step at a time..if we cried yesterday, we learned why not to today :) Everyday is a new chance to start over.<br />
Move Forward! I am proof that it works! We are on the way!<br />
Have a Great Week!<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-87167584235593776542011-01-01T15:46:00.001-05:002011-01-01T15:46:55.351-05:002011-01-01T15:46:55.351-05:00Happy New YearHappy New Year Everyone...<br />
I am happy to say that coming into this New Beginning I am elated to have found my Bliss.<br />
I can't say that I didn't know it beofre, I just didn't know it was <strong>IT</strong>!<br />
As my readers know I have been moving through some different things to understand my path in life.<br />
For some this has been a tough time, because the persona they know of me, has always been the stable steadfast, do the right thing, take care of everyone else, kind of person. In the last year and a half or so, I have been cut off. I have taken care of nobody. I think I wanted to see if I had anyone to take care of me. What I found was that if I am of no use to anyone, they have no use for me. I guess I understand that in a way. I at this point in my life have resolved that if a person I come in contact with, ( family, friend or foe) adds nothing of a positive nature to my life, I reserve myself to a minimum of contact with this person, if any at all. I have just recently realized in myself to be a "fix-it" person. I was always the person to help, or do, or be there. and in some way this was my downfall. I became tired, resentful and bitter. Not fun!<br />
<br />
As I have learned along this path of self induced social restriction over the past 16 months or so, is that a person can find in themselves what they are looking for in others. I needed this. I kept trying to be everything to others so they would want and need me..never realizing they weren't doing anything, but drain from me.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TR-PREDajxI/AAAAAAAAAEI/wgQT8MrAmMA/s1600/food+is+love.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TR-PREDajxI/AAAAAAAAAEI/wgQT8MrAmMA/s1600/food+is+love.png" /></a></div>In that, I have found something that has always made me feel good. Something I am fantastic at and something that brings me more Joy than many things in my life. <strong>Cooking! </strong>I have started to share my love of Cooking and Writing together in, "Food Blogging" and I'm good at it!<br />
<a href="http://www.foodslove.blogspot.com/">Food is Love</a> my blog site, has really taken off for me. I have dabbled in cooking and "food pictures" in the past to mediocre results, but I think it just wasn't the right time. It seems now that I have centered myself and found a reason and a purpose. It just is all falling into place.<br />
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<br />
I recently was featured as a "Guest Blogger" on <a href="http://babs-worldofbooks.blogspot.com/">The World of Book Reviews</a>" , I have attained a significant following on "<a href="http://www.foodbuzz.com/">Food Buzz</a>"..(45 followers in 5 days) and am aiming to be a Featured Publisher there in a few weeks. I was accepted by "<a href="http://www.foodieblogroll.com/">Foodie Blog Roll</a>" in 1 Day as opposed to up to several weeks by normal protocol. The point is.. I am happy and it is evident to me that this is the right direction.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TR-REwKzC_I/AAAAAAAAAEM/VUHdBiwUWDM/s1600/Blog+Smash.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TR-REwKzC_I/AAAAAAAAAEM/VUHdBiwUWDM/s320/Blog+Smash.gif" width="256" /></a></div><br />
This week from <strong>January 1st -3rd,</strong><br />
I am participating in the New Year Smash with other writers who are promoting their Blog. Please take a moment to look at the blog roll at the right of this page to support my colleagues. <strong>Please also stop by my Blog</strong> "<a href="http://www.foodslove.blogspot.com/">Food is Love</a>" <strong>for a very</strong> <strong>special</strong> <strong>Promotional Giveaway</strong>. <br />
I can't Thank You enough for the Support !!!<br />
<br />
Hope in the New Beginning the New Year Brings..<br />
Take the time to know yourself as I did. <br />
There is a Very Special Person waiting to Love you back the way only you know how!<br />
<br />
Many Blessing my Friends...I look forward to a wonderful future inspiring you!Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-61853853496266965552010-12-30T12:31:00.000-05:002010-12-30T12:31:18.360-05:002010-12-30T12:31:18.360-05:00New Year's Traditions or Superstitions?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRy1UemHlrI/AAAAAAAAADc/rK0RaQ9Ifas/s1600/champagne+glass+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" n4="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRy1UemHlrI/AAAAAAAAADc/rK0RaQ9Ifas/s320/champagne+glass+2011.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<strong>What to Eat, What to Wear & What to Do for Good Luck & Prosperity</strong>. <br />
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New Year's Eve traditions and superstitions have been a part of celebrations in all cultures since the beginning of time.<br />
Every country and culture has it's own unique routines and charms to influence the incoming year.<br />
Each tradition is steeped in the belief we will impart influence on our New Year's Prosperity, Good Health & Love.<br />
Where these traditions started and for what reason is unknown. Though they do seem to come from a place of needing to have<br />
an influence or control of things unknown about one's future. Whether this is true or not, hope that we can influence our own New Beginning is empowerment enough for me to keep in tradition and take the reins in this New Year!<br />
<strong>What are my choices:</strong><br />
I have my own tradition and it has done well by me for a long time. My late husband and I started a tradition<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRy-HC_WSZI/AAAAAAAAADk/w0ans4xtR_w/s1600/lobster+ravioli.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" n4="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRy-HC_WSZI/AAAAAAAAADk/w0ans4xtR_w/s320/lobster+ravioli.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>in 1996. We trudged up to Federal Hill in the dead of December Winter to go to "<a href="http://www.vendaravioli.com/">Venda Ravioli</a>". Venda Ravioli is a lovely Italian Pasta company where they make "Lobster Ravioli". <br />
At the time, we were doing well, we were in the market for a new house, our beautiful Son was doing very well in school and all was well with the World. We wanted to ensure our prosperity would continue. We decided that we knew if our last meal of the year influenced our incoming year "Lobster" was definitely a way to do it! The tradition holds through to today. If there is nothing more that I do, I always eat well. Do I attribute it to my tradition? I do. I have carried this tradition on into<br />
my new relationship and it has never failed me.<br />
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Coming into this article I researched New Years traditions and have found that there are as many traditions as there are cultures in the world. The only classification comes about what day you choose.<br />
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<strong>New Years Eve vs New Years Day</strong><br />
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<strong>New Years Eve:</strong><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRy-gEzJSnI/AAAAAAAAADo/JKxCUOVASfk/s1600/new+years+eve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRy-gEzJSnI/AAAAAAAAADo/JKxCUOVASfk/s320/new+years+eve.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>If a single girl wears <strong><span style="color: red;">RED</span></strong> underwear on New Years Eve she will be married in the New Year.<br />
If you have money in your pocket on New Years Eve you will never have an empty pocket in the New Year.<br />
The Spanish have a tradition that if you eat One Grape for each toll of the Midnight hour, you will have prosperity for each month of the New Year.<br />
Some traditions are for letting the energy of the passing year go. If all of the windows in your house are open at midnight the energy of the old year will leave through the open window.<br />
Making Noise visa vie the New Years crankers and noisemakers...Scares away the Evil spirits from coming into the New Year.<br />
Lastly...Someone special. Whether it be your family, Your spouse, a cute guy or gal..Who you spend New Year's Eve with is the person or people you will spend the most time with in the New Year.<br />
Oh, and that kiss at midnight...this is the person you will be most intimate with in the New Year.<br />
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<strong>New Year's Day:</strong><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRzBRfzmi7I/AAAAAAAAADs/ydpskij_1Bs/s1600/new+years+day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRzBRfzmi7I/AAAAAAAAADs/ydpskij_1Bs/s320/new+years+day.jpg" width="258" /></a></div>Southern American Tradition says, eating Black Eyed Peas and Greens represents Good Health and Good Fortune in the New Year.<br />
Italian Tradition touts eating Lentils on New Years day is Good Luck.<br />
Some other traditions are: Wearing a New Item of clothing encourages New clothing to continue for you in the New Year.<br />
Walking your luggage out of your house and around the block encourages travel in your New Year. Eating Pork on New Years<br />
Day is said to be good because a Pig only eats forward and this will bring influence for you to move forward in the New Year.<br />
A woman should not do housework on New Years Day as this will bring her more housework in the New Year.<br />
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Whatever tradition or Superstition you may feel influences your New Year, you are not alone. Through time and tradition such prominent similarities across cultures have shown that as Human Beings there is a sense of Hope in the New Beginnings of a New Year. There can't be anything wrong with that. Enjoy and find peace in the New Year!Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-32174208759299563002010-12-27T18:04:00.000-05:002010-12-27T18:04:37.955-05:002010-12-27T18:04:37.955-05:00New Year , New Perspective? or Same Numbness?The Journey to Sagacity.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRkYSUdpv4I/AAAAAAAAACE/iLsbogsuZbg/s1600/tools.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRkYSUdpv4I/AAAAAAAAACE/iLsbogsuZbg/s200/tools.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>This blog was started as a tool of a learning process.<br />
I titled the Blog as a reflection of that process.<br />
Some ask, What is "Sagacity"? <br />
Sagacity is defined as "<a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sagacity">acuteness of mental discernment and soundness of judgment</a>."<br />
A person who is "Sagacious" is defined as having "the ability to apply knowledge, experience, understanding or common sense." Simply put: A person who is "Sagacious" or who has "Sagacity" is someone who makes the "good" decisions.<br />
In coming to this journey I felt that I needed to learn how to make those "good" decisions. I felt that if I documented my steps along the path, I would be able to understand more clearly my missteps and apply the knowledge I obtained to rectify them and move forward.<br />
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In a way, the process has definitely helped.<br />
<br />
The ability to look over months of learning and missteps have made the process very enlightening.<br />
What's funny about this process is that you <strong>will</strong> learn if you look at it. If you <strong>choose</strong> to look. The "Aha" moments become more frequent and with more voracity. The thing about it is that the entire process has been about being <strong>Aware. </strong>Being <em>present.</em> Getting <em>un-numb.</em> I know, you've heard those "catch phrases" but ow do they really apply to "everyday life"? They don't apply to <em>everyone,</em> Do they? <br />
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Well I kinda think they apply to more than less. You just "got through" the holidays right? Did you really converse with anyone? Did you really feel the moments you were in? Have you ever spent the day after christmas looking at the tree and said...Wow...it's over? The YEAR is over? Yes, It is! How do you feel? Feel like you missed something? Feel like it flew by? It <strong>Did</strong>! Another year has sped by and what did you do? If you can say "<em>I can truly say I made memories this year I will remember for a lifetime</em>," or "<em>I did things this year that me and my family will be proud of for the rest of our lives</em>," then I commend you! Bravo! If not, then I challenge You! <br />
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I challenge you to <strong>BE PRESENT</strong>! Stop robotting through your life. Oh, yaah, it is <strong><em>your</em></strong> life. It's your "<a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/legacy">legacy</a>". It's how you "<strong>chose</strong>" to spend your time here. This has been the toughest lesson of all.<br />
Learning that no matter the circumstance in my life I have a choice of how I am going to deal with it, look at it and live it. It's all a choice! So I challenge you to LIVE IT! No more numbing through day after day, not remembering from week to week, one thing that you could call remarkable enough to be a "memory".<br />
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Now I know many people would say..."it's easy for those people to say, they don't live my life". You're right. Nobody lives your life, but you. Therefore nobody makes decisions about that life but You! <br />
Here are some ideas, small and may seem inconsequential, but it's a start.<br />
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<strong>*Journal</strong>. Please start a journal. Write down your thoughts, your experiences, your feelings, recipes, questions anything. Write. It's a way to express, without involving anyone else, so there are no judgements, no fears, no trepidations. This helps so much to lessen anxiety and ill feelings. When you look back on it, you reflect and learn from your experience. Journalling also helps in the creative and success processes. It helps with goal setting and thought organization. Try it. It's a small step toward an enjoyable life.<br />
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<strong>*Get Out.</strong> Take the time to take a walk. Even if it's around the block, once a day. Take the Dog, take the babies, take your spouse, go alone with your Ipod. Get fresh air and a few minutes of exercise in your routine. It helps to clear your head. Yes, even in 20 below temps, a person can take a walk around the block. On average a 15 min walk is a great break from monotony and an invigorating part of any day.<br />
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<strong>*Laugh</strong>. Try <a href="http://www.youtube.com/">Youtube</a>, for a comedian you like..just a snippet or a date night by the Computer Screen. In my house we have a TV hooked up to a laptop and we take a night once in a while with a bottle of wine and hit up You tube for our favorite comedians...Laughter is such great medicine! It sure is a great way to spend an evening. Take the time, make a snack, grab some wine, plug in the Youtube and laugh your butt off!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRkZjT_x8OI/AAAAAAAAACM/4RS-1UIt2Dc/s1600/password.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRkZjT_x8OI/AAAAAAAAACM/4RS-1UIt2Dc/s200/password.jpg" width="187" /></a></div><strong>*Play</strong>. Television has been a great promoter of "Family Game Night" have you tried it? I have to say, my favorite memories are times I spent around my kitchen table with siblings and parents arguing about Uno and Password..."that clue cannot possibly be legal" ha ha ha...What I didn't know at the time was that the memories we were making are the things I love to think about today, not that my Mom and husband have passed on. I am so grateful for those times. If Uno or Password isn't your thing, the new Wii and Xbox have great "family team" type games.. Try those! My point is take the opportunity to make the memory. It's YOUR life to enjoy!<br />
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*Make the Moment...We all are hustling and bustling to and from.. take a second to be in the moment. An idea for this would be if you know you're going to your son's hocky game, bring a thermos of hot cocoa, and a cute little blanket. Maybe take a second to video, on your too expensive camera phone. Then when the season is over, you can spend an evening with those clips and watch them together! Or save them for later when he is grown..you'll want to remember. Believe me. All I'm saying is make a moment.<br />
Don't have kids? Ok, what time is your spouse getting home? Have a carpet picnic! Take him to a High School Football game (maybe his alma mater). Take her to a bookstore for a coffee and a poetry reading or to peruse the travel books. Again, the point is make the time, to <em>do something.</em><br />
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So, my New Year...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRka1PyujhI/AAAAAAAAACQ/kJjEoQjjD8A/s1600/Illuminated_Path.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TRka1PyujhI/AAAAAAAAACQ/kJjEoQjjD8A/s1600/Illuminated_Path.jpg" /></a></div>I am still on the path...<br />
It's just Now, the path is illuminated and I am choosing to move forward!<br />
I am choosing to Enjoy my life.Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-38718540872469216642010-12-17T10:50:00.000-05:002010-12-17T10:50:47.322-05:002010-12-17T10:50:47.322-05:00Holiday Stress?? Don't take it Personally.... As we enter Christmas Week, the air is getting thick with anxiety and trepidation. You hear all around you the words "Holiday Stress". These words are touted around the water cooler, in the newspaper and on the Evening News, as an outbreak of the latest disease. Let's address the idea of "<a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stress">stress</a>". Stress is defined here as : "Emphasis" <span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">importance</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">significance</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">attached</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">thing. It goes on to describe this "stress" as "<span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">specific</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">response</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'">by</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">body</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">stimulus,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">as</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">fear</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'">pain,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'">that</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">disturbs</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">interferes</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">with</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">normal</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">physiological</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">equilibrium</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">an</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">organism". The most integral definition I found was the mechanical one: "An action that causes strain or deformation". </span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQuFMfUvhYI/AAAAAAAAABk/vsb3dKFVnms/s1600/holidaystress2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQuFMfUvhYI/AAAAAAAAABk/vsb3dKFVnms/s1600/holidaystress2.jpg" /></a></div><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"> Wow! Holiday "Stress" is it really <em>that</em> bad? Are we really wanting to attach such a detrimental label on an occasion that brings families together to celebrate a Holiday? Let's break this down.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">In America, we spend the months of November and December fretting and anticipating the idea of gathering with friends and family, exchanging gifts, listening to music, spending time at events, having conversations and experiencing the joy that is Christmas.</span></span></span></span><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"> Why should this bring "stress"? The answer is pretty simple.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"> We anticipate the worst outcome. "Oh my God, I have to go to the Mall. It's going to be packed, I'm going to have to park in Guam, it will take forever, I will spend too much and <strong><em>they</em></strong> won't even like what I get anyway." Tell me you are not putting this thought out there! You know you are!</span></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"> It's really not that bad. If we just stop and not take this so personally we might get through unscathed and shockingly enough "ENJOY" the season. Let's take it issue by issue:</span></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><strong>Shopping:</strong> There are several issues within this one small task<strong>. <em>Traffic, Parking, Crowds, Long Lines & Item availability.</em></strong> My ideas are simple. First, please be organized. Know what you need before you even start out. Know what your looking for a list helps. Perusing the sale pages helps too. That's a great start.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><strong> The Drive:</strong> Take a moment as you get in the car. Sit in the drivers seat, before you put on your seat belt, and take a deep breath, eyes closed. Prepare your mind, Prepare your heart. Take one step at a time. Address only what is right in front of you at the moment. After the deep breath, say out loud to yourself and anyone who may be with you. (yes the child in the car seat and the teenager and most definitely the growling spouse) I (we) am going to enjoy this ride. I am going to get to where I am going easily and find a front parking space. Affirm this. Make a point of knowing in your mind exactly what you ARE going to do. This sets you up for success, as in anything else your universe takes your direction. Then put your favorite music on the radio. Strap in and glide to your destination without incident. The most important part of this is that you BELIEVE this. Know it is true. I can tell you from experience it most definitely works. I do it every time I leave my house.</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><strong> The Store:</strong> Ok, you are now sitting in your front parking space amazed...but smiling. As you park, turn off your car (so the person cursing you behind you knows he should have had a better attitude before he left home), Take another deep breath, be grateful say thank you then affirm for the next step. "I am going to greet everyone I see with a smile. Everyone I come in contact with will be pleasant and happy to assist me. I will find everything I need and get out in a timely fashion." Smile and believe this to be true. Get out of your car and walk into the store. Smile. It's Christmas! A few things to be mindful of: Be careful of your </span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQuFceyJB7I/AAAAAAAAABo/JWnvu-2jWfM/s1600/holiday+stress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" n4="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQuFceyJB7I/AAAAAAAAABo/JWnvu-2jWfM/s320/holiday+stress.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>expectations of the people who work in the stores. Smile always, be pleasant. It will be refreshing to the employee and you will get better results. Ignore the environment. Feel bad for those who are not enjoying their experience. Feel good for yourself. Feel good that you can and will have a pleasant experience. It is YOUR choice. Make it a good one. Lastly, When you are done and sitting in your car smiling with amazement, say THANK YOU. Now affirming for the drive home should be a breeze!<br />
<br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><strong>Family Gatherings, The Relatives and</strong></span></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><strong>The Office Party:</strong></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQuGQmfI9LI/AAAAAAAAABs/jSKB_KkFLT4/s1600/holiday+party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQuGQmfI9LI/AAAAAAAAABs/jSKB_KkFLT4/s1600/holiday+party.jpg" /></a></div><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">Here's a thought: Life in general is an experience lived by individuals. Each person lives their life through their own view. People live in their own world, in their own story. They invest all their faith in that story, and that story is truth for them, but it’s a relative truth, because it’s not truth for you. If you can see that all their opinions about you really concern the character who lives in their perception, not in yours it would be harder to take anything they say personally. The "you" they are judging in your name is a character they have created with their perceptions of interactions with you. Whatever people think of you is really about the <em>image</em> they have of you, and that image isn’t you. No matter which way you look at it, People are going to think what they think. Even with your best intentions at hand, you cannot change another person. So, in this vain, Enjoy your life for YOU. Do what You feel is right, and do the best you know how to do. Nobody can expect more of you. If they do, they were expecting more than they should have, and it's on them. Not your issue.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><strong>The Bottom Line</strong>: Enjoying the Holidays is a choice as in everything else. Don't put expectations on yourself. Just enjoy the moment. If you expect to enjoy them you will! Just as if you expect to hate it You will! Just make the right choice. You are only responsible for <em>your</em> experience.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span><span name="hotword" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">Happy Holidays my friends.</span></span></span></span>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-17587716361417797152010-12-15T00:38:00.001-05:002010-12-16T10:49:54.526-05:002010-12-16T10:49:54.526-05:00Everyone has a story...so?Through all of my reading lately I have come to know one thing. Not everyone realizes what it means to say "<em>Everybody has a story</em>". Contrary to popular belief a person's "story" is not their "real" life experience. It has come to my attention that people don't even realize they are here to "experience" life. They walk through life getting through the tasks. They are just numbing their way through. Just muddling through, day after day with no particular enjoyment or realization that time is passing.<br />
People live with mantras. Stories they tell themselves to get through events. These mantras escape the confines of their mind sometimes in the form of excuses and explanations. They don't even realize their doing it. It's funny that once you actually come to understand what this experience is all about, the way you look at people and the way they act becomes very interesting. You begin to hear and see people in a very different light. Others become more of a learning experience.<br />
Here's my take on this:<br />
The perception that the events that occur in our life, are what<br />
define our life, is not only wrong but the easy way out. For example a woman might say, "<em>I will never find the right guy because my father physically abused me</em>." or "<em>I have never found a good job, I'll always be poor because my resume is terrible</em>". "<em>I didn't get my degree, so I'm not successful</em>".<br />
<em>"I got married early and when the children came along I didn't have time to do what I wanted</em>". These are Mantras. Stories we tell ourselves and anyone else who'll listen, to explain why we have given up. Why we muddle through each day with no intent and no vigor for the "gift of life" we have been given.<br />
These <em>stories</em> are the "excuses" we use to justify our actions in our hearts and in our minds. This doesn't make them <strong>TRUE</strong>.<br />
The incidents and events that have happened are just that. <em>Events</em>. They do not define our life in any way.<br />
If you <em>choose</em> to hang on to those excuses <strong>you have decided </strong>to make them valid. It still does not change the fact that YOU made the decision NOT to do what you <strong>wanted</strong> to do.<br />
So as I come to this realization and I now, have to ask myself "What are my Mantras?" Tough question.<br />
This means if I have these Mantras, I have to recognize them. That also means if I recognize them as Mantras I have to either dispell them or justify keeping it. Oh no! This means that the stories I have been telling myself<br />
for so many years, has to change??? Does this mean I have to own up to the fact that I have always made every decision?<br />
This is a tough path...Lets take this one slowly.<br />
Ok, my first Mantra. I was a Daddy's Girl, but he left when I was 13 and this screwed up my life forever. I now was a single parent child, now poor and no longer spoiled. My life was ruined! I was going to go to public school, have to move..etc... Ok, Ok, I know...nothing that happens when you are 13 dictates what happens "the rest" of your life.<br />
I also realize, the marriage rate is >50% divorced in this country. I'm not that different from anyone else. So I guess that "Mantra" is gone!<br />
2nd Mantra: I had to LPN out of College because my husband got sick and I had to go to work. He then died and I never got the chance to become an RN. Hmmmm, this is a tough one. I truly believe I did the right thing, here.<br />
But I guess it's not completely true. I guess I could have taken the money I made, and have well paid for myself to go and finish my degree. What does this mean though? What does this truly mean? Did I NOT want to become an RN?<br />
Looking at it today.. I would have to say yes. I DID NOT want to be an RN. Can I answer why? Nope. I really don't know.<br />
I have others, but those 2 were biggies for Me. Now the rest of the questions come into play. So, if I don't WANT to be an RN, what do I want? How do I know? Where do I start? For God sakes.. I'm too old to not know what I want to be when I grow up...aren't I?<br />
At this moment in my life, I am looking at MY Experience. My experience has been what I have made of it.(or not)<br />
Right or wrong, I made every decision, I took or didnt take every step that lead to where I am right now.<br />
The only thing I can do is make sure that every step from this moment on is what I <strong>Want</strong>. I have to know I am the only person living <strong>MY</strong> experience.<br />
<br />
I spoke to someone this week, who said that it is only HUMAN to "feel" for people. That's interesting, but the only thing I can say is, from what I have learned, EVERYONE makes their own decisions. I can feel bad that a person doesn't know what's good for them or exactly what they want for themself. As I didn't. But to allow my empathy to change my experience in any way shouldn't happen. I act in kindness. I don't laugh at anyone's expense. I am open to every person in my life, As I know they are there to teach me something. But I now can draw the line when it "depresses me or angers me" to the point where it could ruin my day. I will not allow anyone that power. I want to be Happy. I know at least that much.<br />
<br />
<strong>Next time:</strong> What do people see when they see me? How do the people that truly know me, see me? What are they thinking, when they think of me? How does this affect me? How does it enter into my decision making? Should it have any influence on how I make decisions? Things to talk about...Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-61542686458882030312010-12-15T00:35:00.000-05:002010-12-15T00:35:16.100-05:002010-12-15T00:35:16.100-05:00What label do you allow to define you?<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQhTJOdE4zI/AAAAAAAAABg/pAg8dx8sVB4/s1600/sailing+05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQhTJOdE4zI/AAAAAAAAABg/pAg8dx8sVB4/s200/sailing+05.JPG" width="181" /></a>Mine has been "BBW"</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Google BBW.. and the first result you will get is a wikipedia definition of Big Beautiful Woman. (<a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Beautiful_Woman" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Beautiful_Woman">definition</a>) the 2nd result is an Online Magazine "geared" to BBW's. Click on this site and you find advertisements for Jillian and her weight loss products, and an advertisement for "How to become a Personal Trainer"...I laughed until I cried.<br />
Who is the target of this webpage? Is this truly a BBW acceptance Magazine? or is this just another Mass Media push for Weight loss products, hidden in the guise of "whats good for you"?<br />
The Tag line for the Magazine is "The Power of Plus".<br />
Hold on, "The power of Plus"? To make weight loss programs wealthy?<br />
What power are you instilling if your biggest advertiser is a Weight loss ad??? The power to feel inferior and not good enough? What this should mean is that your readers should know enough to not be your audience!<br />
Where is the empowerment? Where is your loyalty to your "brand"?<br />
Someone didn't get the memo.<br />
Unfortunately the perception in the World is that being a Plus Size Person means that you should "want" to be thin. You should want to spend every last dollar you work so hard for on changing yourself because someone else thinks you should look differently.<br />
This perception is so wrong.<br />
What plus sized people really need to do is stop feeding this mantra!<br />
Stop perpetuating this lie and start perceiving themselves as being worthy of positive media attention. How enlightening it would be to see a list of website choices that shine a light on Plus sized people who are Self assured, Active and living life. The best way to enjoy life is to Live it!<br />
Tell me, when was a carrot stick and a 10 mile run in the confines of a ranch dedicated to the brainwashing of a plus sized person much more than a 6 month waste of life?<br />
Although I agree that their needs to be a movement, I disagree about what exactly that movement should be.<br />
Here's another thought: Who is complaining about obesity? Who is the loudest force in the media saying there is an "obesity crisis"? Insurance companies! They are complaining that "fat people" use more medical insurance dollars than any other demographic group. For one thing this cannot possibly be true. I know many many "fat people" and the last place they want to be is in a doctor's office. This is the place where they are not only unaccepted they are taunted and prodded to change. The Nurse comes in and tries to take your blood pressure with a "child-size" b/p cuff and then huffs and whines when she has to go out of the room to get a real cuff. She then hands you a "paper gown" that only covers the front side of you and tells you to sit on the cold table, where the paper covering sticks to your backside and makes a crinking sound when you breath. The doctor then comes in and look at you, smiles and says, "How's the diet? Lost any weight this year? I have a wonderful new medication, and a cousin who owns a gym! Should work wonders!" He then goes on to look at your chart, sees that your blood pressure is normal, you have no diabetes, havent had a visit in a year and walks out of the room without coming near you, for fear of catching what ever disease you have that caused you to be fat in the first place! No, insurance companies, we are not lining up for this stellar treatment! Your insurance dollars are not used by us. They are probably being wasted on the housewives who are using your dollars to fix whatever maladies they have from the breast implant repairs they have had to do. Or the senior citizens who instead of using the free bus to go to the park and enjoy their golden years, are parked in the Dr's office waiting all day for the new BP medicine the pharmaceutical company is peddling through the Dr's office this week.<br />
In the last few months I have been using the mantra. "What you think about & talk about, you bring about". So, for me talking about the "<em>obesity crisis</em>" is off limits. I like to think more on the vain of, I am healthy, I am active and I am living my life. I deserve my place in the world as much as everyone else.<br />
I was born a miracle as much as anyone else. I am a gift from God here for a purpose and by God I am going to live out that purpose.<br />
My wish for my "fat people" community a peace in your heart that comes from knowing you are the best person for the job, the prettiest girl at the party, and the first pick for best friend, because you know what it's like to overcome a stigma that is acceptable in this world.<br />
I refuse to waste my precious time not living my life because someone else<br />
decides what's good for me. I will continue being Healthy, Active and have lots of Fun doing it. Let the models worry about the carrot sticks.<br />
I'm off to the beach!Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-72657634404644433542010-12-15T00:26:00.000-05:002010-12-15T00:26:31.455-05:002010-12-15T00:26:31.455-05:00Back to the socks again????<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/socks-on-the-floor1.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/socks-on-the-floor1.jpg" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/socks-on-the-floor1.jpg?w=300" alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-350" height="225" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/socks-on-the-floor1.jpg?w=300" title="socks on the floor" width="300" /></a><br />
Yesterday I mentioned in passing that I <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought" rel="wikipedia" title="Thought">thought</a> my boyfriend <strong>should</strong> pick up his <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sock" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sock" rel="wikipedia" title="Sock">socks</a> from the bathroom floor. Remember how I said that I found out that he "<strong>Shouldn't</strong> because he <strong>Doesn't</strong>" Well there's a little more to that story. I have to again reiterate an argument is NEVER just about the socks, and if we realize that before we start "grumbling and bitching and moaning" and taking precious time and <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness" rel="wikipedia" title="Happiness">happiness</a> out of our lives for the sake of SOCKS. We truly can look at it as JUST SOCKS! Not through the barrage of thoughts flowing through the mind coming from left field....<br />
So, if I want the socks picked up from the floor, then I can do it. Seems kind of passive. And when I first started learning about this new path, I thought Oh, God..here we go, If I want something done I have to do it. Nobody else needs to be accountable for themselves. I had to look at it again and again and again. I'm kinda stubborn like that. I get an idea in my head and its concrete. It's needs "jackhammering" to get it out. I could not get my head or my heart around the idea that someone shouldn't do something just to make ME feel better. I kept having thoughts in my head, "<em>If he loves and respects me, he will be more thoughtful</em>". Boy was that a farce. Really? He doesn't love me or respect me because he leaves the socks on the floor? I put other things in there too...like Oh my God, socks on the floor again??? He does this on purpose! He knows I'm going to pick this up! HE just leaves it there for me to do! Just reading that statement makes me laugh. Just like I'm sure he has thoughts in his mind something like, "God, if she loved me more she'd realize that I need more sex and she should want to give it to me so I don't have look anywhere else. I should have an affair. She doesn't love me enough to keep me happy in the bedroom anyway!" May seem extreme but, the 2 sets of statements are similarly outrageous!<br />
Yes there are authors who say "Give and take" are what make a happy relationship. And in some way I agree. I agree, that when you feel validated and listened to in a relationship you like spending time with that person. But if you are truly happy, deep within happy, the relationship will mirror that. Your innerspeak is the beginning of the peace you need. You don't have to do a thing but change the way you think. Moreover, I think that my understanding of the human psyche has proven to me that the freedom received from forgiving someone for not being what YOU want them to be is much more reliable. I needed to stop applying my expectations to another human being. If I have a need or want, that has to be met, then I am the one who needs to fulfill it. Only I KNOW for sure how to do that.<br />
Now, some would say, if I fulfill all of my own needs, why do I need a life partner? Ahhhhhhhh, I truly don't NEED a <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_partner" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_partner" rel="wikipedia" title="Life partner">Life Partner</a>. I <strong>want</strong> a relationship. I want emotional bonding. I want someone to talk with, someone to share <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experience" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experience" rel="wikipedia" title="Experience">experiences</a> with. As a whole, <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human" rel="wikipedia" title="Human">Humans</a> are social animals. We don't thrive well alone. Too much time alone makes us the <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_hoarding" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_hoarding" rel="wikipedia" title="Animal hoarding">cat hoarding</a> people.<br />
We simply should just recognize that being with someone isn't the food of life. It isn't what fulfills us. It's not the "completion" process. Being with someone is an <strong>addition</strong> to an already wonderful life experience. An additional person can add a different view of things, companionship, someone to share with. All too often we use these people as validation of success in ourselves. "I have a great marriage!" the woman exclaims as her husband is seen checking out the blonde across the room. If we just internally validate and believe that we are all that we need to be and are doing everything WE need to be doing in the way WE need to be doing it, then we would be so much more at peace and fulfilled with our Lives.<br />
We need to do whats right for us! This is MY life. I get ONE shot. One performance. One screening. When I am on my death-bed, looking over the footage and pictures of the years of my life, I want to know that it was MY experience. Not one I lived for someone else. If I had someone at my side along the way that shared in it then I was truly Blessed! If not then it was a wonderful ride anyway..<br />
Why should I choose to give my one life experience to someone else? It really comes down to that. The CHOICE. Everything is a CHOICE.<br />
Did I do what I wanted to do with my time on earth? Did I enjoy my life? Did I choose the best life I could have? Nobody else makes those <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice" rel="wikipedia" title="Choice">choices</a> for us! NOBODY. No matter the situation, you ALWAYS have a choice. Yes ALWAYS! Yes, even with someone holding a gun to your head, YOU have a choice. It is my choice to seek the BEST life experience possible. I owe that to ME. Hope you make that same choice.<br />
<br />
Next time:<br />
I see and hear only through the filter of my story. My world, my life, my experience is only my perception.<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://joelcomm.com/its-not-about-me.html" href="http://joelcomm.com/its-not-about-me.html">It's Not About Me</a> (joelcomm.com)</li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-80356488282390890022010-12-15T00:24:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:26:57.782-05:002010-12-15T00:26:57.782-05:00Who Died and Made me Emily Post...cont.I made me <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Post" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Post" rel="wikipedia" title="Emily Post">Emily Post</a>.<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/columbo.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/columbo.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/columbo.jpg?w=102" alt="" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-324" height="150" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/columbo.jpg?w=102" title="Columbo" width="102" /></a> I <em>decided</em> I was going to be my boyfriend's Mother, Teacher, Mentor and <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coaching" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coaching" rel="wikipedia" title="Coaching">Life Coach</a>. Didn't he know there were rules to being in my life? Didn't he know that I was going to tell him how to live <em>his</em> life? Poor man, He didn't know. He didn't know that I had "rules". Funny, I didn't know I had a "rules" either... I had some questioning to do...When something isn't working for me, I'm like "Columbo". (A 1970's TV detective). Just "one more thing". I need an answer. I need to understand. I ask questions...Sometimes to a fault...I just NEED to understand. When I question something and look at it closely.. The first thing I ask is: "Really"? "Can it be verified"? If in this case what I'm questioning is my "thought" then I need to find out if it's true. If my thought in this matter cannot be validated (backed up) then the "<em>thought</em>" just isn't true.<br />
<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/byron_katie1.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/byron_katie1.jpg"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/byron_katie1.jpg?w=150" alt="" class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-327" height="104" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/byron_katie1.jpg?w=150" title="byron_katie" width="150" /></a> "<em><a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byron_Katie" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byron_Katie" rel="wikipedia" title="Byron Katie">Byron Katie</a></em>" (author of the book: <em><a _mce_href="http://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change/dp/1400045371%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D1400045371" class="zem_slink" href="http://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change/dp/1400045371%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D1400045371" rel="amazon" title="Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life">Loving What Is</a></em>) calls this "inquiry".<br />
Inquiry is defined as: "The process by which we <em>question</em> or <em>challenge</em> our thoughts".<em> <giggle> Byron Katie has a label for my obsession with understanding :) </em><br />
Anyway...This process can be an uncomfortable one. When we question ourselves and something we have believed for a long time to be true, we can become very uncomfortable with the upheaval that this "belief distortion" can cause in our mind. We build a foundation of learning experiences into our minds as "<em>Fact</em>" or "<em>beliefs</em>". This is a process from about the age of 6 or 7. Our mind previous to that is our own. It's merely a function of brain maturity. The brain of a 3 or 4 yr old hasn't been told that putting a peanut butter sandwich in the vcr is wrong. They simply have not had enough experience in the world to know certain things. It's trial and error. But as we grow, the process where we socialize and become more interactive with our parents, teachers and mentors, we learn those little things we call "suppose to's" and "shoulds". This is the "Underworld" or the "foundation" of our "belief system". Our "foundation in the beginning is built on little things. Example: A 3 yr old child runs naked through a dinner party. The parent's immediate response is to say "NO. Dont ever do that again. Dont ever embarrass us again". <br />
What does the child learn? <br />
Running through the living room is bad. Period. Naked isn't even a concept...Embarassment isnt remotely a concept. Those are the parent's issue. The child learns those type of lessons from Parents, Mentors, teachers etc.. As children we learn that the people who are here (on this earth) before us know "the way". We don't question it. We assume the roles they lay out for us. The foundation is layed.<br />
Now as teenagers and adults, we learn that the foundation may be flawed. Nobody's fault. No blame here. Our parents, teachers, grandparents, etc... did as those who went before them. The foundation isn't entirely flawed, but may have some cracks. When this realization comes about there can be some very real turmoil.<br />
Remember the movie "<em><a _mce_href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0723771/" class="zem_slink" href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0723771/" rel="imdb" title="Cliff Richard">Carrie</a></em>"?<br />
What did Carrie's mother say when she wanted to go to the High School Dance? AAAARRRMAGEDON!!! It's kind of like that. Chaos! The end of life as we know it! <br />
Your mind and body react to "<em>assaults</em>" to it's foundation in that very same way.You feel like a traitor. You feel like you are betraying your "belief system". Here's the rub: If inquiry shows that a part of our "foundation" may be flawed then we may find that the (foundation) doesn't support Reality. This now causes a shift in the way we view Everyday Life. The truth of the matter is we are all individuals. We all grew up in different houses. We may have grown up in the same community, so we have some similarities in the way we were raised, but for the most part we are different. <br />
We all are responsible for ourselves. <br />
The "shoulds" and "supposed to's" don't apply to anyone but us. If this is what <em><strong>You</strong></em> identify with, then it is <em><strong>Your</strong></em> "should", not anyone else's. Byron Katie explains that statements including the words "should" are false, because it isn't. <br />
Example; My boyfriend should pick up his socks and not leave them on the bathroom floor. This statement is false. Do you know why? Because he doesn't. Period. He doesn't. It is that simple. This leaves me a few choices. Do I pick up the socks because it will drive me insane to have socks on the bathroom floor, or do I scream and yell like a scorned mother and shame this grown man into picking up his socks causing resentment and anger for however long it lasts, (arguments always start with socks but never end there, do they?) Or, do I simply leave them right where they are and go on with my life??? The bottom line is what do I want in my life. <br />
What choice am I making for my life at this moment? <br />
In my life right now today. I want <em><strong>peace</strong></em>. Peace is at the forefront of my being. So, sometimes I pick up the socks and sometimes I don't. Sometimes <em><strong>He</strong></em> actually does. It's not life altering, but it's also not an issue I choose to brood over or even pay attention to. Because what we pay attention to in our lives we bring about more of! Do I want more issues about socks??? Oh for God sakes, No of course not! I want to enjoy my life. I want to remain at peace and be happy. The truth is, that even the life altering things give us choices...their just harder to see at first, but we can find them if we look closely enough. Just call on your inner Columbo!<br />
<br />
Tomorrow: "Back to the socks again...?"Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-16797463136485063402010-12-15T00:14:00.000-05:002010-12-15T00:14:01.624-05:002010-12-15T00:14:01.624-05:00Who died and made me Emily Post?<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/righteous12.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/righteous12.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/righteous12.jpg?w=298" alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-320" height="300" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/righteous12.jpg?w=298" title="righteous" width="298" /></a><strong><span style="font-size: large;">Ok, so I have a question:</span></strong> <br />
<br />
When did I become my partner's teacher, mother & manners coach?<br />
Why is it up to me to correct this person when he is <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudeness" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudeness" rel="wikipedia" title="Rudeness">rude</a>? Who gave me the job of showing a grown man that he isn't the center of the universe. Who made it my job to point out this person's "bad behavior"? Who am I to tell him that it is completely self centered to walk in a room where someone is reading, blurt out words and expect a response? Why is it my job to tell someone that his everyday plights are not my business and although I empathize with him, I dont understand why it is my job to make him feel better about them. Especially when he never does this for me. Why does it bother me? Why is it an issue? Am I just impatient? Am I too critical?<br />
Why do I care if this person is rude? What is rude? Who defines it? Why is it an afront to me personally?<br />
Is it because of MY culture? Is it because of what I think is RIGHT vs what he thinks isn't a "big deal"?<br />
Maybe someone else has a different belief. Does that make their belief or mine more important? Is the issue important at all?<br />
<br />
Boy am I perplexed.<br />
<br />
I have been away from writing for a while. A blurb here and there, but only because I truly am not finding an answer.<br />
<br />
I may not have be looking in the right place... Seems that to find the answer to some of these questions, I need to look somewhere inside of myself. A book, an article, a blog is not going to tell me why I make myself the judge of all creation! Who am I? How did I become so righteous? Is there no place for difference of opinion? What about patience? Kindness?<br />
<br />
Guess I'll finish reading and try to get it all straight. Wish me luck!Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-61443515028781657922010-12-14T23:58:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:10:17.484-05:002010-12-15T00:10:17.484-05:00In need of Inspiration...Sometimes along the journey we stall. It happened to me this week. Usually I get uninspired or doubtful when I hit a bump in the road. I have become more enlightened, but I still stumble, as I'm sure everyone does. I continue to read and listen to my mentors, but it becomes drone like. When this happens I need a new voice.<br />
I found myself today looking for that new voice. I didnt know what message I was looking for. Maybe some affirmation? Maybe some intuition?<br />
I am pretty crafty at finding sources. In my reading I learned about Louise Hays. She wrote the book : "<a _mce_href="http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/0937611018%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0937611018" class="zem_slink" href="http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Your-Life/dp/0937611018%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0937611018" rel="amazon" title="You Can Heal Your Life">You can Heal your life</a>". Seems like exactly the type of thing I'm looking for. I found the ebook...but wanted something a little more immediate.<br />
I found it!! I'm sharing it with you: Enjoy!!!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxKUAjsxSk8]">[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxKUAjsxSk8]</a>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-4446208919411330012010-12-14T23:54:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:09:57.142-05:002010-12-15T00:09:57.142-05:00Journeys and Paths...When you have inspired thought, you have to trust it, and you have to act on it.<br />
<br />
Everyone seems to have there own reason for doing what they do to make there way in life. So many people are motivated by the end result that they lose sight of the <a _mce_href="http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Faith-Uncertain-Walker-Softcover/dp/1594151644%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D1594151644" class="zem_slink" href="http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Faith-Uncertain-Walker-Softcover/dp/1594151644%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D1594151644" rel="amazon" title="The Journey: How to Live by Faith in an Uncertain World (Walker Softcover)">journey</a>. I read a book recently that most would balk at as a <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy" rel="wikipedia" title="Philosophy">philosophical</a> piece that is nice to read, but not worth the time spent to read it. I so disagree. Although most philosophical pieces are full of inspiration and <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness" rel="wikipedia" title="Happiness">light hearted</a> thoughts this piece makes sense.<br />
<br />
The <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Writer" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Writer" rel="wikipedia" title="Writer">writer</a> takes you on a journey with a man who has lost all hope in himself. His family is drowning in debt and lost all <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faith" rel="wikipedia" title="Faith">faith</a> in him. This writer takes you and this man through a journey where you follow the path <em>always</em> traveled. The path to making <em>others</em> successful. Our "daily grind", as it were.<br />
The man in the book, always saw others who attained their goals as "lucky" or "smarter" or "having less integrity" than he. How many of us have come upon people like that in our lives? People who appear to "have it all"? Of course we have. Did we ever stop to see that this person's journey, might not have been the same as ours. Did we ever stop to think "I want my own journey"? Did we ever think we were brave enough to get off the beaten path and forge our own journey? We wake up everyday with the same opportunity everyone else does. We wake up with the opportunity to continue on being comfortable in what we KNOW or we can decide to forge a NEW journey where we KNOW we will attain our Goal.<br />
<br />
A few months ago I chose the latter. I chose my GOAL. I didnt ask anyone's permission. I saw it. I believe it. I do it EVERYDAY, and So can you!<br />
<br />
Belief in yourself and knowing what you want, is the key to getting it done. The ability to truly know what you want is all you need. Knowing what you want will bring on the way to get it. You first have to KNOW what you want.<br />
<br />
Write down your goals, this makes it easier to visualize. Keep reading it. Set the words to memory. Visualize your dream accomplished. This makes your dream a reality in your subconscious. Convincing <em>yourself</em> that you have what it takes to accomplish your goal is 95% of the work. We are our own worst critic. We have to train ourselves to be our own promoter. Nobody wants to see you succeed more than you!<br />
Help everyone else know, you are that person. You are a success!<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/people-in-line1.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/people-in-line1.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/people-in-line1.jpg?w=150" alt="" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-268" height="94" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/people-in-line1.jpg?w=150" title="people in line" width="150" /></a>Realize that the naysayers are people on the well traveled path of making other people successful.<br />
They are afraid to take your journey. They are afraid to be on their own, on a road they have never traveled. Of course they have never traveled it, they have never been successful!<br />
<br />
<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/lone-walker11.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/lone-walker11.jpg" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/lone-walker11.jpg?w=150" alt="" class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-270" height="84" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/lone-walker11.jpg?w=150" title="lone walker" width="150" /></a>You are on a brave journey. You are on a journey to success. As you get to know this road, it will become familiar to you, so that you will never need to go back in the other direction. This road will be more comfortable. This road will be the easier way to get to your goal. You have the <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Positioning_System" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Positioning_System" rel="wikipedia" title="Global Positioning System">GPS</a>!<br />
<br />
Remember, everyone thought Columbus was crazy!<br />
Misery loves company someone said... ever wonder where that came from?<br />
We want happiness, not misery. We want to love what we do and be successful while doing it! We deserve the comfort and happiness that comes with doing something you love. Simple as that.<br />
Believe in yourself. The goal and the way will show itself once you do.<br />
You deserve it & It WORKS!<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://itakeoffthemask.com/words-of-wisdom/there-are-no-ordinary-journeys/" href="http://itakeoffthemask.com/words-of-wisdom/there-are-no-ordinary-journeys/">There Are No Ordinary Journeys</a> (itakeoffthemask.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://blog.beliefnet.com/intentchopra/2010/08/walking-the-pathless-path.html" href="http://blog.beliefnet.com/intentchopra/2010/08/walking-the-pathless-path.html">Walking the Pathless Path</a> (beliefnet.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://www.prweb.com/releases/prweb2010/08/prweb4430444.htm" href="http://www.prweb.com/releases/prweb2010/08/prweb4430444.htm">"Eat, Pray, Love" Devotees Can Experience Inspiring Journey of their Own With New Online Application, Coaching Sanctuary</a> (prweb.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deepak-chopra/walking-the-pathless-path_b_677852.html" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deepak-chopra/walking-the-pathless-path_b_677852.html">Deepak Chopra: Walking the Pathless Path</a> (huffingtonpost.com)</li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-53911287268485691302010-12-14T23:50:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:09:27.695-05:002010-12-15T00:09:27.695-05:00Breaking the Addiction of a Bad Relationship<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/addiction.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/addiction.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/addiction.jpg" alt="" class="alignright size-full wp-image-216" height="300" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/addiction.jpg" title="Addiction" width="300" /></a>The first step in Breaking a Relationship Addiction would be to <strong>define the addiction: </strong><br />
<br />
An addictive relationship is defined as being addicted to a particular relationship and feeling great <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety" rel="wikipedia" title="Anxiety">anxiety</a> and despair (withdrawal symtpoms) when trying to pull back or get away from that relationship. Just as in any other addiciton, relationship addiction is a state of losing yourself to an outside force. Addicts often suffer through bad (sometimes abusive) relationships rather than risk the chance of being abandoned - or being alone. It is not alcohol, heroin, pills or pot that is the drug; it's another person.<br />
As in all addictions an addictive relationship can be damaging. The relationship and all of it's trappings cause isolation, loss of <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem" rel="wikipedia" title="Self-esteem">self-esteem</a>, self resources and self respect due to the result of losing the vital "connection" to self. The stress, anxiety and despair resulting, can cause real havoc on the body. It can exhibit itself in real health issues such as; decreased immunity, migraines, high blood pressure, substance abuse, <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder" rel="wikipedia" title="Major depressive disorder">clinical depression</a> and in some cases as severe as suicide.<br />
<strong>How do we recognize an Addictive Relationship?</strong>Recognizing the addiction can be different for everyone. As in all things in life. Not everyone is the same.<br />
Here are some key points:<br />
<strong>Approval: </strong>Living a life solely based on what another person does or does not do. A craving for approval of what your goals are and basing those goals on the approval of another. Feeling good relies on getting approval from others. Only feel good about themselves if they feel "liked" by others<br />
<strong>Losing Self: </strong>Losing interest in personal goals, interests and entertainment. Nothing is as interesting as seeing the relationship happy. Your relationship's happiness is central to your own. Hobbies and interests are sacrificed to share the interests/hobbies of others<br />
<strong>Accepting: </strong>Accepting of aspects in your relationship that you don't agree with, and that may be unhealthy for you, just to maintain the relationship.<br />
Addicts often are not honest in expressing opinions or desires; fears of rejection or anger keep them from discovering or revealing their emotions.<br />
<strong>Dillusion:</strong> Unhealthy attachment to trying to change or modify the relationship aspects that are painful. Telling themselves they are over-sensitive, jealous, needy. Believing they can change and become the person the relationship needs.<br />
<strong>Unworthy:</strong> Experience feelings of unworthiness or nothingness without the relationship. They have an inability to see life or happiness outside of the relationship.<br />
<strong>Powerless:</strong> Often feel lost, empty, powerless, depressed. Completely jaded to the ability of the self.<br />
<strong>Crave Attention:</strong> Crave attention from the relationship whether, positive or negative. They feel abandoned and anxious when the other person pulls back and is isolating, so they "act out" in whatever way will end in attention. This sometimes is evidenced by, multiple phone calls, nasty messages, sexual overtone or enticement, romantic promises etc..<br />
<strong>Frustration:</strong> Ultimately this relationship doesn't work. The addicted party does in fact have needs whether recognized or not. Those needs are not met in a one-sided relationship. Thus frustration occurs. The addicted one then exhibits behavior that can be defined as "out of control". ie: rage, crying, screaming, exhibitionism, attention seeking and sometimes <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_abuse" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_abuse" rel="wikipedia" title="Physical abuse">physical violence</a> to self, or others.<br />
<strong>Staying too long:</strong> Lastly, this person has been in a relationship for quite awhile that, generally, is <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29" rel="wikipedia" title="Depression (mood)">unhappy</a>. Author Jewel Taylor states ""People have convinced themselves that there is a shortage of good men and women, so they're just thankful to have `somebody.' Some would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship." The reasons are plentiful. Books have been authored solely on this subject.<br />
Recognition of such an unhealthy existence is a major part of being able to conquer it. Once recognized as unhealthy, the participant can move forward toward health and to "<strong><em>Self</em></strong>". Increasing independance and self-worth through confidence building exercises and daily inner exploration of the <em><strong>self </strong></em> through journalling, can be the first steps to freedom.<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/journalling1.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/journalling1.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/journalling1.jpg?w=113" alt="" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-217" height="150" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/journalling1.jpg?w=113" title="journalling" width="113" /></a><strong></strong><br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>JOURNALLING</strong><br />
When journalling, the reading back over time periods, gains confidence through personal goal setting and comparison of day to day accomplishments. As the first few entries will most likely be based on anxiety and fear, (<a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Withdrawal" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Withdrawal" rel="wikipedia" title="Withdrawal">withdrawal symptoms</a>) comparing those entries to latter entries in the following days will let the participant clearly see the ability to move forward without negative consequence and actual fulfillment of personal goals. Instilling affirmation of Independant happiness.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/walking1.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/walking1.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/walking1.jpg?w=112" alt="" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-218" height="150" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/walking1.jpg?w=112" title="walking" width="112" /></a><strong>Physical Activity</strong>Walking and affirming are great motivators. No competition. No goal. Just simply walking to walk. Simply walking for 30 mins, 3 times a week can be a mood elevator. This gives us the ability to be alone with our thoughts<br />
affirming a gift to ourself.<br />
Physically; Walking can increase the production of "<em>Endorphins</em>", a natural "<em>opiate</em>". A brain chemical that makes you feel good!<br />
This will replace the need for the negative chemicals the brain was trained to need previously. Walking has several health benefits that also include making it easier to sleep.<br />
Tips for walking would include a device that makes it possible for you to listen to your favorite music, or record some affirmations and play them while you walk. Reinforce what's <em>RIGHT</em> and <em>GOOD</em> in your life.You can listen and recite them as you walk along. Pick a favorite place to walk. A beach, a beautiful path, a busy downtown avenue. Something that excites you. Remember this is a gift to yourself! YOU deserve it!<br />
There are several websites and resources for Relationship / Love addictions. I have included some at the end.<br />
As in anything, talking with a professional may lighten the load and give you an added resource from someone who won't judge you.<br />
Someone who is paid to listen and has a vested interest in your success.<br />
My personal interest in the issue is this:<br />
You need to realize at some point that <em><strong>YOU</strong></em> are the only one who can live your life.<br />
No matter how much you would like someone to be more important, or how much you convince yourself that you just don't matter to anyone.<br />
It is <em><strong>YOUR</strong></em> life. <em><strong>YOUR</strong></em> experience. Honestly life will go on with or without you. Everyone has <em><strong>THEIR</strong></em> own life. <em><strong>YOU</strong></em> make it what <em><strong>YOU</strong></em> want it to be. If you are miserable where you are, then it's where <em><strong>YOU</strong></em> want to be. If not, <em><strong>CHANGE IT!</strong></em> It <em><strong>REALLY</strong></em> is that simple.<br />
At the end of the day, we are all given a certain amount of time on earth, It's like a vacation. Either choose all the activities or choose to lay on the beach. But it is <em><strong>YOUR CHOICE</strong></em>. Just dont sit and find excuses to waste the time...You owe yourself more.<br />
Thoughts on, Why people stay? Let me know.. Don't agree with me, let me know that too.<br />
Next time: Plain Inspiration<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://socyberty.com/relationships/nine-types-of-love-addicts/" href="http://socyberty.com/relationships/nine-types-of-love-addicts/">Nine Types of Love Addicts</a> (socyberty.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://relationshipaddict.com/" href="http://relationshipaddict.com/">http://relationshipaddict.com/</a></li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-55967550890173109352010-12-14T01:21:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:09:04.977-05:002010-12-15T00:09:04.977-05:00The Science behind a Bad Relationship<strong>There is <em>Science</em> behind a <em>Bad Relationship</em>...</strong>Can you believe it?<br />
<br />
<a _mce_href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:LocationOfHypothalamus.jpg" href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:LocationOfHypothalamus.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9f/LocationOfHypothalamus.jpg/300px-LocationOfHypothalamus.jpg" alt="Hypothalamus" height="227" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9f/LocationOfHypothalamus.jpg/300px-LocationOfHypothalamus.jpg" title="Hypothalamus" width="320" /></a><br />
Among the readings I have recently ingested. I came upon a video and a subsequent article that stated that we are in the relationships we are in simply because its what we know. We know how to deal with our current relationship, no matter how hard or how difficult. No matter how unhealthy, we go back time and time again because it's what we know. Learning new ways of dealing with things would be uncomfortable and open us up to feeling things outside of our <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_zone" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_zone" rel="wikipedia" title="Comfort zone">comfort zone</a> therefore producing <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety" rel="wikipedia" title="Anxiety">anxiety</a>, vulnerability and emotional overload. So we maintain our survivor modes.<br />
Or as some would say, we put on our "<em>Martyr Capes"</em>.<br />
<br />
If this sounds all too familiar to you, then try this on for size;<br />
<br />
There is a science to this madness.<br />
<br />
The <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain" rel="wikipedia" title="Brain">brain</a>'s receptors are desensitized to the trappings of the current relationship. It's what the <strong>Brain</strong> has come to know as "<em>normal</em>". We can function. This is what we know. This is what we're used to. We have been conditioned, just like Pavlovs dogs. If we veer outside of this, we are uncomfortable.<br />
Have you ever broken up with someone and dated someone new? Upon going on a date with this "new" person, you felt out of place? Mistrusting? Felt as though this person doesnt know you, and that they are just feeding you the lines they think you want to hear? So mistrusting that it is almost impossible to have a good time?<br />
<br />
This "new" experience is outside of your comfort zone! Yelling, screaming, criticism, apathy and arguing is your <em>norm</em>. Someone being nice , complimenting you, and listening to you, just for the enjoyment of spending time with you is foreign! This new incoming information doesnt line up with what your brain knows as "normal"and the body responds with uneasy feelings and real discomfort.<br />
<br />
Believe me, when I heard this information, I was floored. I guess because I am used to science being the constant in my life, I trust science to explain many things, but my relationship? Wow! <br />
The article states that this phenomena is comparative to "drug & alcohal addiction". The hypothalmus (<em>part of the brain</em>) makes certain chemicals (<em>peptides</em>) that match up with certain <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion" rel="wikipedia" title="Emotion">emotions</a> we experience on a daily basis. So there are chemicals identified to correlate with anger, sadness, joy, victimization, love, etc.. Immediately upon experiencing this emotion, the brain produces the chemical and releases it into the <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circulatory_system" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circulatory_system" rel="wikipedia" title="Circulatory system">bloodstream</a> and the flow takes it to the "receptors". (<em>receptors</em>: arms or hands that act as gateways to the inside of cells) When the chemical (<em>peptide</em>) reaches the receptor it locks in. The chemical (<em>peptide</em>) then sends a signal into the cell.<br />
<br />
Experience of this continually conditions those receptors, and shapes how we think and respond. An overload of this chemical to the receptor, changes the receptor. Therefore also changes the cell. The cell before this chemical, had an instructional guide. It had a job to do and knew what chemicals it needed to do that job. But when we overload it with one certain chemical the instructions change. The cell doesnt recognize good or bad.<br />
It only recognizes the presence of this chemical. This chemical is so strong and so frequent that the cell now recognizes a need for it. When the cell realizes a reduction in the chemical it looks for it. The cell sends a message to the brain, "I need my fix today". The brain then looks for the stimulus for this chemical, which was the<em> Emotion</em> that produced it. So if your anger or frustration, or <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29" rel="wikipedia" title="Depression (mood)">depression</a> caused that chemical to be produced, your body is now seeking it.<br />
The brain now looks for things to cause the emotion, so that the chemical will be released from the <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothalamus" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothalamus" rel="wikipedia" title="Hypothalamus">hypothalamus</a>. Even if you decide to leave the relationship. The need of your body for that chemical draws you back to the stimulus. (<em>the bad relationship</em>)<br />
It needs the "fix" of depression or anger. If you are not in the relationship the brain takes to your memory to depress you. It needs it's fix. Your body is now addicted to your anger and depression.<br />
We are physical, chemical and emotional beings.<br />
This is what makes us <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human" rel="wikipedia" title="Human">human</a>. This only becomes a limitation when we keep accessing those same emotions and attitudes on a daily basis, that don't serve us and go nowhere in terms of growth or <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution" rel="wikipedia" title="Evolution">evolution</a> within the relationship.<br />
<br />
How can we say that we want a better relationship, when we are experiencing and reacting to the same emotions and experiences everyday?<br />
How about this? A new chemical comes into play.<br />
<br />
It might be the right chemical, produced by the right emotion but the brain recognizes it as "<em>abnormal</em>" and triggers the body to respond accordingly. We have trained our brain to be unable to recognize what is good for us. Now, when the "new peaceful and joyous experiences" that our heart, body and peaceful mind really need and is actually good for us, won't be recognized by our brain. We actually are now uncomfortable, because of the new "<em>joyous</em>" experiences. We dont know how to react. Now what?<br />
Interesting stuff....<br />
<br />
<strong>Next time:</strong> How to break the addiction of a Bad relationship.<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-hanson-phd/taking-in-the-good_b_732117.html" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-hanson-phd/taking-in-the-good_b_732117.html">Rick Hanson, Ph.D.: Fire up Those Neurons for Positive Thinking</a> (huffingtonpost.com)</li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-51807353499564975602010-12-14T01:14:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:08:40.474-05:002010-12-15T00:08:40.474-05:00Taken off my path with a detour into futility.I know you all are saying yah yah.. so we need to maintain positivity. Easy to say, but you don't live <strong><em>my</em></strong> life. Everyday life presents its own set of exercises. <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction" rel="wikipedia" title="Law of Attraction">Law of Attraction</a> says Positive attracts Positive. True enough, but.. it doesn't happen right away. Sometimes we have some "housecleaning" to do. Whether internal or external. Internally we need to <strong><em>feel</em></strong> that the path we are on is what <strong><em>WE</em></strong> want. Externally we need to remove factors that do not align us with our goals. Sometimes that's easier said than done. So what can we do?<br />
Here's an example of a real life everyday occurrence...<br />
<br />
Today someone I live with took a lot of time & trouble to go to the cable office to exchange a cable box. Going to the cable office in my city can be harrowing. Especially if you go without good intention. An example of good intention would have been "<em>I am going to the cable office. The traffic will be clear and I will get out of the line fast</em>" once in the office another affirmation: "<em>This line is moving quickly, I am going to get my task done easily</em>". Now, the person I speak of has yet to be convinced of the power of positive intention. So, this person dragged himself to get up and go. Words coming out of his mouth such as "<em>I hate having to do this, Going there is always such a task</em>" etc.. Upon reaching the cable office, He immediately texted me "<em>It is Packed</em>!". I affirm to him via text, "<em>before going in please say to yourself, this will be painless and the line is moving quickly</em>." I received no response. I texted additionally, "<em>Visualize yourself, in your car with everything you have come for and smiling."</em> The response I got back : "<em>There are more people behind me now than in front of me</em>". I responded, "<em>Great! Can you see the tide changing for you</em>?" No response.<br />
<br />
45 mins later he returns in a horrible huff. He goes on to explain that he thinks he has been screwed and that he will need to call the cable company immediately. I slow him down and ask... "<em>what happened</em>?" (big mistake) He goes on to say that he thinks that the guy at the cable company was in the wrong account and that the service that we got was not at the level that was in the computer. I brought him the bill where proof showed the service we were looking to restore with an exchange of faulty equipment was in fact what we paid for. He went on to call the cable company, and the morning was blown. When he finished screaming at the cable company (shaking my head the whole time), He came to me and asked if I was going to go install the equipment. I simply explained that right now would not be a good time, and that I needed a breather. He scoffed and went into the room and attempted to install the equipment. I left to go into my bedroom. I needed solitude. I felt physically ill. I felt that I had been in a war zone. <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_%28biology%29" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_%28biology%29" rel="wikipedia" title="Stress (biology)">Stress</a> does that to you. just being exposed to stressful situation that I recognize has nothing to do with me, made me physically ill and trepidous. My body is literally telling me...<em><strong>THIS IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION</strong></em>! Doesnt seem effective does it? My mind starts to question itself. Is <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimism" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimism" rel="wikipedia" title="Optimism">positive thinking</a> making me weak? How do I address stress?<br />
<br />
Hold on... is this <strong><em>MY</em></strong> stress?<br />
<br />
Is this <strong><em>MY</em></strong> situation?<br />
<br />
Ok, In my accounting I could have made better choices. After laying down and closing my eyes for what seemed to be milliseconds, I realized, I walked straight into the negativity. I invited it in. Why was I concerned about how this was going to go? Why was I concerned about how he would react in this situation. I, the supposed <em>enlightened</em> person was perpetuating what I <em><strong>DID NOT</strong> </em>want. At the very beginning of this situation I was already worried. I should have instead affirmed it myself. <em><strong>The power was mine</strong></em>. Instead of asking him to affirm, why didn't I do it for myself? I could have said "<em>The cable equipment has been returned without incident. I am grateful for the internet, and the cable working perfectly." </em>Period.<br />
<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/detour12.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/detour12.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/detour12.jpg?w=300" alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-188" height="201" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/detour12.jpg?w=300" title="detour" width="300" /></a>Ok, Aha moment realized!<br />
<br />
After I came out of my bedroom I began to immediately go into cooking mode. I was feeling a little better and realized that He was upset that I was not excited that he went to the cable office for me and I was not grateful for his going. So, I went to him and said, please go to bed you need to go to work, I understand that you think I am ungrateful and not excited, but I will take care and install the equipment later. I simply feel, to try to install this now in an angry stressful situation would not produce a positive outcome. <strong>He became irate</strong>. I left the room, He then became enraged, that I left the room! I realize that : 1.) I should not have gone into the room. 2). To maintain peace I could have not instilled my feelings on the situation. (I don't have to fix things)<br />
In order to deal with everyday stressors such as living with someone who does not maintain my same mindset, I have to realize that his <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality" rel="wikipedia" title="Reality">reality</a> is not mine. Investing <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion" rel="wikipedia" title="Emotion">emotion</a> into his hysteria, I now have "<em>minded his business</em>". Let me clarify; I am of the mind-set that if you "<em>mind</em>" other people's business you are not taking care of your own. I have my own agenda. I want to maintain a clear mind, and peaceful heart. In investing emotion (especially negative emotion) in someone else's problems I am not helping and probably making the situation worse. I also am not investing any attention or positive emotion into mine. This is a colossal waste of energy and time away from my path. <em>A detour to futility</em>. No matter how much I want to think I have learned these lessons I also need to realize I cannot change this other person. Only He has the power to do so, <em>if he wants to</em>. That's the idea of Free Will. Who am I to change someone else? Especially when I have not done such hot job with my own choices. I freely recognize that I still have a lot of work to do. And, oooohhhhh there are detour signs everywhere!<br />
<br />
I now need the tools to help me as blinders to the detours & magnifiers to my best path.<br />
<br />
What have been your biggest "detours"? How do you handle them? What is your best tool? Leave me a comment. Let me learn from you :)<br />
<br />
<strong>*Next Time:</strong> The Science behind Bad Relationships.<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201009/emotional-acceptance-why-feeling-bad-is-good" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201009/emotional-acceptance-why-feeling-bad-is-good">Emotional Acceptance: Why Feeling Bad is Good</a> (psychologytoday.com)</li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-67014424789184771272010-12-14T01:08:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:08:06.081-05:002010-12-15T00:08:06.081-05:00Realizing, If you ask... An answer comes. Always!In the following days, I became distraught that I had hung up the phone on opportunity. I started to believe that my current circumstance was <em>Who</em> I was. I dwelled in the facade that I <em>"just can't get ahead</em>" and now even when given an opportunity, I not only don't recognize it, but push it away!<br />
<br />
I needed to look more closely at what was happening. I needed to look at what I could do to change my focus. I had to pull my focus away from my complaints about what I don't have, and what I don't want. I need to focus closely on what exactly I DO want and be grateful for what I do have. What can I do to change my life around? What can I do to shift my mind-set?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQcI955DpvI/AAAAAAAAABY/CHZ6ZIzxAnc/s1600/the+secret.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="121" n4="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQcI955DpvI/AAAAAAAAABY/CHZ6ZIzxAnc/s200/the+secret.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>The book "The Secret" and the <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction" rel="wikipedia" title="Law of Attraction">Law of Attraction</a> tell us that we need to be grateful for what we already have. The feeling that we really do have things to be grateful for helps to emit feelings of positivity.<br />
Positivity begets positivity!<br />
For example, you can be thankful for things great and small. Something as simple as whatever brought you here to read this blog, it's a positive light in your day. Sometimes we get hung up on the <em>why</em>..and the <em>how</em> of the process and never get to the actual things we DO have!<br />
<br />
I am experiencing very definite signs that my life is in the process of change.<br />
<br />
Most usually out of the greatest despair come the greatest gifts. Did you know that the people who lived through the <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Depression" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Depression" rel="wikipedia" title="Great Depression">Great Depression</a> learned how to become family centered and savings based? The <em>make-do generation</em>, they are called. These survivors, learned to be happy with what they had and grateful to have what they "needed". This generation of people learned through great despair. They recognized how to barter / fix / grow what they needed to overcome it! From which came a great appreciation of Family, Community and strong core values.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQcJS94e4aI/AAAAAAAAABc/Z9Vb1KGBv4Y/s1600/Gratitude.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qU6Iiq9wsFA/TQcJS94e4aI/AAAAAAAAABc/Z9Vb1KGBv4Y/s200/Gratitude.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>As I continue on this path and read and listen to many authors, I realize the greatest gift life has given me in this darkest time is my ability to be grateful. (If you really want to be resourceful in finding things to be grateful for, start at the very core of who you are. ex. <em>I am Grateful for my eyesight and my ability to read and comprehend.)</em> See how easy this step can be?<br />
<br />
I recently was told to "<em>be careful</em>" with regard to "<em>true</em> happiness" vs "<em>pretend</em> Happiness" This person's definition of <em>pretend</em> happiness was someone who pretends they are happy when they really are not. They do not understand the principle, or they cannot fathom that someone in my situation could be happy. I actually am Grateful for everything I have right now. "The Secret" actually tells you do exactly that. It prepares you and gives you the ability to recognize "dreams fulfilled". Remember, I told you I lived my dream come true, and didn't realize it at the time. That won't ever happen to me again. I am grateful everyday for EVERYTHING.<br />
<br />
I have realized that the idea of recognizing what is right here near me, is paramount. This may sound too spiritual for some, but it is, what it is... In the last 2 weeks, I have had signs of lessons to let me learn how to do this. Recognizing what's right in front of you can be as simple as being down to your last dollar and needing gas to get to work tomorrow. Then suddenly from out of nowhere, you find a twenty-dollar bill in the pocket of the coat you just took out of the closet for the first time since last winter. Sometimes it's not so evident. You have to stop and look at it and realize whats going on. Then you NEED to be thankful!<br />
<br />
Here's an example: I have been going along and reading and trying to apply the principles of this for a few weeks. One afternoon, I was getting ready to prepare lunch for my bf and he comes in and says, "<em>Here</em>". He hands me 100.00. I immediately, before even thinking about it ask, "<em>Whats this for? I don't want </em><em>YOUR </em><em>money</em>". He picks up the money... and starts to get angry...I ask again, only in a nicer tone and smiling... "<em>No, really, what's it for? What's up?"</em> He says "<em>put it in the bank, don't you need to cover the monthly charges from your account?".</em><br />
<br />
Ok, here's where it gets hairy..<br />
<br />
I responded "<em>that's not what it is... what did you do</em>? <em>is this guilt money</em>??" He grabbed the money and started to put it back into his pocket... and angrily said "<em>you are not going to use this money against me!</em>" I felt a snap to my head, (like someone flicked me behind my ear)...and I realized...Wait!!! RECOGNIZE !!!! I said to him, <em>Wait, give me that</em>... and he handed me back the money...I apologized.. and took the money.<br />
What's really funny is that 2 weeks before I had the notion, for a few days.. to ask him for the money to cover the monthly account charge so my account didn't go in arrears, but never had the courage to ask him out loud. I thought it was too much to ask...(<strong>Always</strong> believe you <strong>deserve</strong> what you want, because you do!)<br />
<br />
I have no doubt that scene could have gone very differently, but I also realize that I have learned a very hard lesson. I don't know <strong>HOW</strong> it will come, But <strong>IT</strong> <strong>WILL COME</strong>. I am not to judge. I am not to question. Just recognize it, be thankful for it and live my best LIFE!<br />
<br />
I went the very next day and bought my son a birthday card, that I otherwise would not have had the ability to do and thanked (God, the Universe or whatever label that works for you) for the Gift!<br />
<br />
Realize what is near you. It's there! Anger, Resentment, Hurt & Jealousy..do nothing but distract you from what is REAL.<br />
<br />
There's always a choice. Nothing is set in stone except death. until then, you ALWAYS have a choice.<br />
* What signs have you ignored, and how did it effect you? Let me know.. comment me...<br />
<strong>Next time</strong>: Detours into futility...Handling everyday distractions and maintaining the path.<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://itakeoffthemask.com/words-of-wisdom/are-you-trying-to-find-your-life-purpose/" href="http://itakeoffthemask.com/words-of-wisdom/are-you-trying-to-find-your-life-purpose/">Are You Trying To Find Your Life Purpose?</a> (itakeoffthemask.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-robinson/the-real-law-of-attractio_b_716213.html" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joe-robinson/the-real-law-of-attractio_b_716213.html">Joe Robinson: The Real Law of Attraction: The Success Trait</a> (huffingtonpost.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2010/09/law-of-attraction-in-action-thinking-young.html" href="http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2010/09/law-of-attraction-in-action-thinking-young.html">Law of Attraction in Action: Thinking Young</a> (beliefnet.com)</li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-45677501234386183562010-12-14T00:13:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:07:42.305-05:002010-12-15T00:07:42.305-05:00How NOT to realize whats right in front of you...lolHere's an example of what <strong><em>Not </em></strong> to do, to save you time.<br />
<br />
After reading Jack Rabbit Factor, I did as it said. I wrote my statement, I visualized, I believed it to be true, but life continued and I lost my conviction. I began to back pedal. I had an intermittent website cookie business and My cookie sales fell completely off. I began to think that Leslie had sold me the "<a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kool-Aid" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kool-Aid" rel="wikipedia" title="Kool-Aid">Kool-Aid</a>". I spent several months more pitying myself and dwelling in my same thought patterns. I closed down my website. I stopped interacting with people and completely closed myself off to the outside world. I kept only my computer.<br />
<br />
I began to be more sensitive with my boyfriend again. We are at a very tenuous time. The other night he again threw me to the curb. Only this time I wasnt going without a fight. I grabbed the phone and called my brother. Poor man lives 200 miles away, but sweet as he is, he said I'm on my way. Again as I sit on the curb, I cannot think about whats ahead of me. I cannot be excited about the freedom in front of me. I can only think of the strain I will cause my brother and his new bride. I also can't stop thinking about losing what little I had. I again acquiesce. I called my brother who was now within 50 miles of my house to turn around and go home. My boyfriend has promised to send him gas money and help me put everything away. Once I got off the phone with my brother, my boyfriend went back in the house and left me to tote all of my belongings, broken pieces and all, back into the house on my own. He then began a chant of "you wouldn't have had to do this had you not been so angry! Anger rules you!"<br />
<br />
I have to say I believed at the time staying was the better of the choices. Why bring someone else into my misery? The days after this pass. I went on with my <em>existence</em>. Back to toughing it out <em>alone</em>.<br />
I then received a copy of the movie "The Secret". I watched it and was again tempted to believe that I might have another purpose in this life. I went to sleep that night saying in my mind "I need 5,000. dollars by the end of the month". Over and over again I repeated this in my mind. I knew that it was a good enough amount to get me out of my desperate situation and not be a burden on anyone. Again and again, until I fell asleep, I kept saying "I need 5,000 by the end of the month".<br />
<br />
On that night of August 17th into the 18th something happened. I cannot explain it, but I woke up the next morning very nervous. This doesn't happen to me. I am a very quiet morning person. I woke up, did some chores and stayed to myself, for fear of a problem with my boyfriend. I didn't know what was up, but it was something. I remembered from the movie to only put out the vibration of what I did want and not what I didn't want. So I did. I stayed in my bedroom all morning to maintain any peace there was going to be. My boyfriend was having a particularly horrible day. He was angry, said he didn't feel right and that life was not being good to him that day. I said nothing. When he left for work I warily ventured out into the living room, and saw his telephone on the coffee table. I suddenly felt a pit in my stomach. I became immediately overaught with anxiety! Oh no! I am going to pay for this! This was somehow going to be blamed on me. I somehow caused him to be distracted so that he forgot his phone. I was sick! My stomach was so tied in knots, it consumed me.<br />
<br />
Just then my phone rang. It was a 310 area code. I didn't know the number, but answered the phone anyway. I have to admit, my attitude at the time stunk, to say the least. The caller on the other end asked if this was Cookie Memories? My response was "Cookie Memories" is closed. The caller hung up.<br />
My boyfriend came to get his phone without incident.<br />
<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/tablescapes.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/tablescapes.jpg" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/tablescapes.jpg?w=300" alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-130 alignright" height="111" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/tablescapes.jpg?w=300" title="tablescapes" width="168" /></a>I began to calm down. Upon calming I realized something. The number for my Cookie company is no longer listed on google, and the phone number wasnt on my <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook" rel="wikipedia" title="Facebook">Facebook</a> page. I no longer had a webpage. How did this person get my number? I googled the area code and found it was a California area code. Los Angeles, Hollywood, Malibu. Oh no!!! But, how did they get my number? Curiously, I called the number and the answering machine said, "Social Capital Films"! Can you picture the look on my face? My mouth is wide open, and I cannot speak. I clumsily left a very apologetic message. Sent a follow-up email, and resolved that I did all that I could to salvage this. I then googled the "film" company and as it turns out it was a very substantial film company. For those of you who don't know a lot about the "Speciality Cookie Business". I make Custom Cookies. Cookies that are used as Favors, Event Centerpieces and the like. When I first got in the business, that was my cous de gras. I wanted to land a Movie or Event that would put me on the map.<br />
<a _mce_href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/eiffel-tower1.jpg" href="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/eiffel-tower1.jpg" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img _mce_src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/eiffel-tower1.jpg?w=150" alt="" class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-131" height="150" src="http://journeytosagacity.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/eiffel-tower1.jpg?w=150" title="eiffel tower" width="150" /></a>A friend in California did several of these for <a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Showtime" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Showtime" rel="wikipedia" title="Showtime">Showtime</a> and made millions after that in follow-up business. <br />
It catapulted her to a Professional Level!<br />
I just sat in awe. I immediately thought of the story of the man on the roof! The man is in a flood and boat after boat comes by but he refrains and says he's waiting for God. The man dies and upon reaching heaven He asks God why he wasnt saved and God replies "How many more boats did you want me to send???" I AM THIS GUY !!! The universe sends me exactly what I asked for and I hung up the phone?!?!? Are you kidding me???? Is this some Cosmic Joke??<br />
Ok, what have we learned?<br />
All I'm saying is this: Listen to the signs. Be positive. Ask for what you want, and KNOW that you DESERVE what you ask for.<br />
Some things are meant to be, whether you can see <strong><em>how</em></strong> it will happen or not!<br />
Ask for it, see what happens !!!!!!<br />
<br />
More tomorrow...............<br />
<br />
If you could have anything you want, ANYTHING, what would it be???<br />
<strong><em>**Comment me and let me know</em></strong><br />
<br />
<strong>Related articles and information:</strong><br />
<a _mce_href="http://www.thesecret.tv/" href="http://www.thesecret.tv/">http://www.thesecret.tv/</a>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902585419505824854.post-22805501690824991362010-12-13T23:58:00.001-05:002010-12-15T00:07:14.590-05:002010-12-15T00:07:14.590-05:00Some things are true, whether we believe in them or not...I have made the choice to believe that in order to control my destiny, I have to listen. Listen to myself. Listen to the signs that show themselves in my environment. Listen to my heart. I have found in my reading and in my life lately, some things to be absolutely true. Whether I believe in them or not. It's pretty exciting, and let me warn you ahead of time, if you ever see me in person, I am very loud about this. I am passionate once I get my head around something. Especially something I think makes sense.<br />
Remember in the beginning of the year I told you I read the book the Jack Rabbit Factor? I suggest you read it too. <a _mce_href="http://jackrabbitfactor.com/" href="http://jackrabbitfactor.com/">http://jackrabbitfactor.com/</a> Remember, I only like the ebook, the story. I do not agree with the attachment of "get rich quick" crap to this very common sense idea. So my advice is give an email address to get the book and if you do not want the rest of the info unsubscribe.<br />
<br />
That said, What Leslie Householder did was set some quantum physics principles and ideas to story form. It's an ingenius way to make it easy to understand without the struggle of new vs old thought process. In a very common sense kind of way the story is based on principles of Universal Laws. These Laws are based on Predictible Constants. Constants are things that ARE. No matter how or why, these things ARE. It also points out that things (opportunities) are right in front of us, we just dont see them because we continue on our everyday traveled path. We dont want to stray from that path because the stigma of not doing what everyone else does is too strong.<br />
<br />
This might seem to be an awkwardly simple idea, but as we look at it you'll realize it really is this way.<br />
Lets look at what I have been talking about. In the beginning of my writing I set out to tell you that I no longer want to listen to people who do not think as I do. For example, If I wanted to learn how to become an Athlete, would I seek out the advice of a Chef? Of course not. Look at your life. Is this what you are doing?<br />
<br />
I did. I felt it was normal to do as everyone else did. It never dawned on me that it wasn't working for them, or me.<br />
<br />
We keep the company we keep for several reasons. More often than not though, it's simply because it's what we've always done. Well, its time to realize what we've always done hasnt worked so far. Are you on the roof waiting too? Look inside yourself. it's important for YOU to believe that YOU deserve what you want. If you can put that thought in your mind and lock it in as the truth, other people will resonate the same idea. Look around you. Do the people you attract to you have a like mind set? Guess who has to change theirs first? YOU! You can't change other people. You can only change you. You create your own reality. If someone happens to come along with you, because they see it working for you, then Great! But, you cannot make anyone do anything. That's a contradiction of free will.<br />
<br />
I finally understood that to be successful for myself I needed to KNOW I can. It is as simple as that. If I dont believe I can do it, then why would anyone else believe I could?<br />
<br />
By trade I am a medical professional. If I give a medicine to a patient, I personally have to believe I am helping, this person, if not they would have no confidence in me or my care and this could be detrimental for both of us.<br />
<br />
Have you heard of the "<a _mce_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placebo" class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placebo" rel="wikipedia" title="Placebo">Placebo Effect</a>"? It's when a drug is in trials. Some of the patients get the experimental drug, and others get a "placebo" ( a pill that has no drug in it at all). All of the patients in the trial believe they are taking the experimental pill, and the effects are documented. In any and all studies there are patients who benefit from "the placebo". How can that be? Tell me, Have you ever felt something to be true, even though you werent able to see it or touch it? This is the same thing. These people truly believe that this drug works for them. They put out a vibe of confidence that they would feel better because of this wonderous medication and they do. There is scientific documentation on every drug trial to this effect.<br />
<br />
My question is why havent we used this "mindful" thinking to our benefit in any other area?<br />
<br />
Have you ever woken up in the morning and spilled coffee on yourself and it triggered a bad day? Of course. We all have. Have you stopped to think that if you changed your mindset right at that moment to "I think the Blue Jacket looks better with these pants anyway" could change how the day goes? After that you go to work, and 3 people comment on your Blue Jacket and you are thinking if they only knew...but smile as the rest of your day goes well. Is this a large thing to change? For some people, yes. But what I am trying to tell you is that its only a matter of a few words. It's an idea shift. For every bad thing you believe there is an equal and opposite good thing. It takes a struggle in the beginning, but once it comes to you, it works faster and faster.<br />
<br />
I have to admit, it has taken me almost a whole year to realize that this is true.<br />
<br />
<strong><em>Tomorrow...</em></strong> learn how <strong><em>not</em></strong> to realize what's right in front of you...lol<br />
<br />
** Do you have questions? Maybe you have a situation that you think could use this principle but don't know how to apply it.<br />
Ask me.....Comment right here......<br />
<br />
<h6 _mce_style="font-size: 1em;" class="zemanta-related-title" style="font-size: 1em;">Related Articles</h6><ul class="zemanta-article-ul"><li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a _mce_href="http://blog.beliefnet.com/intentchopra/2010/02/how-to-be-your-own-placebo.html" href="http://blog.beliefnet.com/intentchopra/2010/02/how-to-be-your-own-placebo.html">How to Be Your Own Placebo</a> (beliefnet.com)</li>
</ul>Laurie Alveshttps://plus.google.com/102389518784641964947noreply@blogger.com0