Make Obstacles a Catapult for your Journey..instead of an Excuse to stop.

What an eventful week this has been. I am so happy to be able to relay some new revelations that have come about in my life. I so hope it inspires you to know that no matter how low things get, IT WILL GET BETTER!
If you have been following my blog, you know that I have been journalling my journey, my path and my outlook for approximately 5 months. In this journal I have outlined some very key factors that have changed my outlook on things and on the way my perception (the way I see things), when changed can effect my life in very REAL ways. (ie: "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."~Dr Wayne Dyer)
I have personally spoken to so many people in the last few months who have said "Gee, I never looked at it that way". This inspires me to move forward, and keep journalling. Make no mistake about it, This has been a LooooNG and drudgerous road. I have documented many, many misteps and I'm sure I will make a few more. Just yesterday, the closest person to me compared me to Dr Dyer and said "Even Dr Dyer says anger is not effective". This person had been screaming for 3 hours..and was upset that I finally said "STOP" in no uncertain terms. LOL
This is something I want to point out. Something I think many people get caught up in. The "I would do better if it wasn't for so and so".. mantra. I think the revelation in my mind today was brought about by something I heard from "Pastor Joel Osteen". Not necessarily a religious revelation but a thought about "obstacles" or "perceived obstacles". A Person can get so caught up in the "details" of everyday life that the "big picture" gets lost.
Example: Fighting with someone. If you are a person in a relationship, girlfriend / boyfriend, man / wife, sister / brother, parent / child, boss / employee, colleague / colleague,  you know that "fighting" is emotionally draining, most of the time futile, and a downright waste of precious time. But our ego says "I am RIGHT" so it matters to point that out, and fight for it. If you know in your heart your right, what difference does it make if everyone else knows? And if you know your wrong, why bother fighting? apologize first thing, and move on. A perfect example of this was a friend came to me and said "I'm sorry..." I immediately said, Ok. Immediately I then moved on to ask a question completely unrelated to the subject. My friend became extremely frustrated with me. He said, "You don't know what I'm sorry for". I answered "Does it matter? How about we go with  You're sorry, I forgive you, I love you, Next....?" He became so frustrated he went on and on for hours again! I asked many times, why it was so important that he explain and essentially dump his feelings of guilt on me? Why couldn't he just allow me to forgive him and move on? He said "Because that's not the way it's "suppose" to go." 'Well", I said, "It's the way it goes with me..now can we move on?" The time spent duking it out is so much better spent doing something you enjoy or something productive. Sometimes it's hard for people to get over the "details".


There's one other point to know. Sometimes people are put in our lives to catapult us to the next level of awareness. Truly everyone we come in contact with, is in our life to teach us something. The sooner we accept this the easier it is to accept people's differences. This is something that will further us on our path of awareness. For instance, What would David had been without Goliath??? If David had not come against his strongest enemy would he have been the man he became? Need something more powerful? Ok, JESUS...where would Jesus be without Judas? Ok, I know this is severe, but realistically...Judas was a disciple! He was a Close confidant. He betrayed Jesus and because of this Jesus was Crucified! Jesus then became the redeemer of the Earth! Ok maybe a strong reference, but look over history, there are a million stories of people who were told they couldn't do something or pushed out of something, or betrayed, or fired on someone's whim, only then to Forge through to make their own way and do phenomenally better!



Image by Karen Swim



My point is..Life has struggles. Life has obstacles. Without them we can't appreciate the upside. The only reason I can say this is because I have been there and I continue to forge on the path.

Keep walking with me...Stop whining, Stop crying, and as they say look for the "New Door" that has opened. It's there. We need to choose how we look at things, and understand that every moment wasted on whining, crying and victimizing ourselves is a moment lost on the path forward. If we choose to think "Things happen FOR me, instead of things happen TO me"...We have taken one step Forward today. Every journey is taken ONE step at a time..if we cried yesterday, we learned why not to today :) Everyday is a new chance to start over.
Move Forward! I am proof that it works! We are on the way!
Have a Great Week!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year Everyone...
I am happy to say that coming into this New Beginning I am elated to have found my Bliss.
I can't say that I didn't know it beofre, I just didn't know it was IT!
As my readers know I have been moving through some different things to understand my path in life.
For some this has been a tough time, because the persona they know of me, has always been the stable steadfast, do the right thing, take care of everyone else, kind of person. In the last year and a half or so, I have been cut off. I have taken care of nobody. I think I wanted to see if I had anyone to take care of me. What I found was that if I am of no use to anyone, they have no use for me. I guess I understand that in a way. I at this point in my life have resolved that if a person I come in contact with, ( family, friend or foe) adds nothing of a positive nature to my life, I reserve myself to a minimum of contact with this person, if any at all. I have just recently realized in myself to be a "fix-it" person. I was always the person to help, or do, or be there. and in some way this was my downfall. I became tired, resentful and bitter. Not fun!

As I have learned along this path of self induced social restriction over the past 16 months or so, is that a person can find in themselves what they are looking for in others. I needed this. I kept trying to be everything to others so they would want and need me..never realizing they weren't doing anything, but drain from me.

In that, I have found something that has always made me feel good. Something I am fantastic at and something that brings me more Joy than many things in my life. Cooking! I have started to share my love of Cooking and Writing together in, "Food Blogging" and I'm good at it!
Food is Love  my blog site, has really taken off for me. I have dabbled in cooking and "food pictures" in the past to mediocre results, but I think it just wasn't the right time. It seems now that I have centered myself and found a reason and a purpose. It just is all falling into place.


I recently was featured as a "Guest Blogger" on The World of Book Reviews" , I have attained a significant following on "Food Buzz"..(45 followers in 5 days) and am aiming to be a Featured Publisher there in a few weeks. I was accepted by "Foodie Blog Roll" in 1 Day as opposed to up to several weeks by normal protocol. The point is.. I am happy and it is evident to me that this is the right direction.

This week from January 1st -3rd,
I am participating in the New Year Smash with other writers who are promoting their Blog. Please take a moment to look at the blog roll at the right of this page to support my colleagues. Please also stop by my Blog "Food is Love" for a very special Promotional Giveaway.
I can't Thank You enough for the Support !!!

Hope in the New Beginning the New Year Brings..
Take the time to know yourself as I did.
There is a Very Special Person waiting to Love you back the way only you know how!

Many Blessing my Friends...I look forward to a wonderful future inspiring you!

Everyone has a story...so?

Through all of my reading lately I have come to know one thing.  Not everyone realizes what it means to say "Everybody has a story". Contrary to popular belief a person's "story" is not their "real" life experience. It has come to my attention that people don't even realize they are here to "experience" life. They walk through life getting through the tasks. They are just numbing their way through. Just muddling through, day after day with no particular enjoyment or realization that time is passing.
People live with mantras. Stories they tell themselves to get through events. These mantras escape the confines of their mind sometimes in the form of excuses and explanations. They don't even realize their doing it. It's funny that once you actually come to understand what this experience is all about, the way you look at people and the way they act becomes very interesting. You begin to hear and see people in a very different light. Others become more of a learning experience.
Here's my take on this:
The perception that the events that occur in our life, are what
define our life, is not only wrong but the easy way out. For example a woman might say,  "I will never find the right guy because my father physically abused me." or "I have never found a good job, I'll always be poor because my resume is terrible". "I didn't get my degree, so I'm not successful".
"I got married early  and when the children came along I didn't have time to do what I wanted". These are Mantras. Stories we tell ourselves and anyone else who'll listen, to explain why we have given up. Why we muddle through each day with no intent and no vigor for the "gift of life" we have been given.
These stories are the "excuses" we use to justify our actions in our hearts and in our minds. This doesn't make them TRUE.
The incidents and events that have happened are just that. Events. They do not define our life in any way.
If you choose to hang on to those excuses you have decided to make them valid. It still does not change the fact that YOU made the decision NOT to do what you wanted to do.
So as I come to this realization and I now, have to ask myself "What are my Mantras?"  Tough question.
This means if I have these Mantras, I have to recognize them. That also means if I recognize them as Mantras I have to either dispell them or justify keeping it. Oh no! This means that the stories I have been telling myself
for so many years, has to change??? Does this mean I have to own up to the fact that I have always made every decision?
This is a tough path...Lets take this one slowly.
Ok, my first Mantra. I was a Daddy's Girl, but he left when I was 13 and this screwed up my life forever. I now was a single parent child, now poor and no longer spoiled. My life was ruined! I was going to go to public school, have to move..etc... Ok, Ok, I know...nothing that happens when you are 13 dictates what happens "the rest" of your life.
I also realize, the marriage rate is >50% divorced in this country. I'm not that different from anyone else. So I guess that "Mantra" is gone!
2nd Mantra: I had to LPN out of College because my husband got sick and I had to go to work. He then died and I never got the chance to become an RN. Hmmmm, this is a tough one. I truly believe I did the right thing, here.
But I guess it's not completely true. I guess I could have taken the money I made, and have well paid for myself to go and finish my degree. What does this mean though? What does this truly mean? Did I NOT want to become an RN?
Looking at it today.. I would have to say yes. I DID NOT want to be an RN. Can I answer why? Nope. I really don't know.
I have others, but those 2 were biggies for Me. Now the rest of the questions come into play. So, if I don't WANT to be an RN, what do I want? How do I know? Where do I start? For God sakes.. I'm too old to not know what I want to be when I grow up...aren't I?
At this moment in my life, I am looking at MY Experience. My experience has been what I have made of it.(or not)
Right or wrong, I made every decision, I took or didnt take every step that lead to where I am right now.
The only thing I can do is make sure that every step from this moment on is what I Want. I have to know I am the only person living MY experience.

I spoke to someone this week, who said that it is only HUMAN to "feel" for people. That's interesting, but the only thing I can say is, from what I have learned, EVERYONE makes their own decisions. I can feel bad that a person doesn't know what's good for them or exactly what they want for themself. As I didn't.  But to allow my empathy to change my experience in any way shouldn't happen. I act in kindness. I don't laugh at anyone's expense. I am open to every person in my life, As I know they are there to teach me something. But I now can draw the line when it "depresses me or angers me" to the point where it could ruin my day. I will not allow anyone that power.  I want to be Happy. I know at least that much.

Next time: What do people see when they see me? How do the people that truly know me, see me? What are they thinking, when they think of me? How does this affect me? How does it enter into my decision making? Should it have any influence on how I make decisions? Things to talk about...

Back to the socks again????

Yesterday I mentioned in passing that I thought my boyfriend should pick up his socks from the bathroom floor. Remember how I said that I found out that he "Shouldn't because he Doesn't" Well there's a little more to that story. I have to again reiterate an argument is NEVER just about the socks, and if we realize that before we start "grumbling and bitching and moaning" and taking precious time and happiness out of our lives for the sake of SOCKS. We truly can look at it as JUST SOCKS! Not through the barrage of thoughts flowing through the mind coming from left field....
So, if I want the socks picked up from the floor, then I can do it. Seems kind of passive. And when I first started learning about this new path, I thought Oh, God..here we go, If I want something done I have to do it. Nobody else needs to be accountable for themselves. I had to look at it again and again and again. I'm kinda stubborn like that. I get an idea in my head and its concrete. It's needs "jackhammering" to get it out. I could not get my head or my heart around the idea that someone shouldn't do something just to make ME feel better. I kept having thoughts in my head, "If he loves and respects me, he will be more thoughtful". Boy was that a farce. Really? He doesn't love me or respect me because he leaves the socks on the floor? I put other things in there too...like Oh my God, socks on the floor again??? He does this on purpose! He knows I'm going to pick this up! HE just leaves it there for me to do!  Just reading that statement makes me laugh. Just like I'm sure he has thoughts in his mind  something like, "God, if she loved me more she'd realize that I need more sex and she should want to give it to me so I don't have look anywhere else. I should have an affair. She doesn't love me enough to keep me happy in the bedroom anyway!" May seem extreme but, the 2 sets of statements are similarly outrageous!
Yes there are authors who say "Give and take" are what make a happy relationship. And in some way I agree. I agree, that when you feel validated and listened to in a relationship you like spending time with that person. But if you are truly happy, deep within happy, the relationship will mirror that. Your innerspeak is the beginning of the peace you need. You don't have to do a thing but change the way you think.  Moreover, I think that my understanding of the human psyche has proven to me that the freedom received from forgiving someone for not being what YOU want them to be is much more reliable. I needed to stop applying my expectations to another human being. If I have a need or want, that has to be met, then I am the one who needs to fulfill it. Only I KNOW for sure how to do that.
 Now, some would say, if I fulfill all of my own needs, why do I need a life partner? Ahhhhhhhh, I truly don't NEED a Life Partner. I want a relationship. I want emotional bonding. I want someone to talk with, someone to share experiences with.  As a whole, Humans are social animals. We don't thrive well alone. Too much time alone makes us the cat hoarding people.
We simply should just recognize that being with someone isn't the food of life. It isn't what fulfills us. It's not the "completion" process. Being with someone is an addition to an already wonderful life experience. An additional person can add a different view of things, companionship, someone to share with. All too often we use these people as validation of success in ourselves. "I have a great marriage!" the woman exclaims as her husband is seen checking out the blonde across the room. If we just internally validate and believe that we are all that we need to be and are doing everything WE need to be doing in the way WE need to be doing it, then we would be so much more at peace and fulfilled with our Lives.
We need to do whats right for us! This is MY life. I get ONE shot. One performance. One screening. When I am on my death-bed, looking over the footage and pictures of the years of my life, I want to know that it was MY experience. Not one I lived for someone else. If I had someone at my side along the way that shared in it then I was truly Blessed! If not then it was a wonderful ride anyway..
Why should I choose to give my one life experience to someone else? It really comes down to that. The CHOICE. Everything is a CHOICE.
Did I do what I wanted to do with my time on earth?  Did I enjoy my life? Did I choose the best life I could have? Nobody else makes those choices for us! NOBODY. No matter the situation, you ALWAYS have a choice. Yes ALWAYS!  Yes, even with someone holding a gun to your head, YOU have a choice. It is my choice to seek the BEST life experience possible. I owe that to ME. Hope you make that same choice.

Next time:
I see and hear only through the filter of my story. My world, my life, my experience is only my perception.

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Who Died and Made me Emily Post...cont.

I made me Emily Post.
 I decided I was going to be my boyfriend's Mother, Teacher, Mentor and Life Coach. Didn't he know there were rules to being in my life? Didn't he know that I was going to tell him how to live his life? Poor man, He didn't know. He didn't know that I had "rules". Funny, I didn't know I had a "rules" either... I had some questioning to do...When something isn't working for me, I'm like "Columbo". (A 1970's TV detective). Just  "one more thing". I need an answer. I need to understand. I ask questions...Sometimes to a fault...I just NEED to understand. When I question something and look at it closely.. The first thing I ask is: "Really"?  "Can it be verified"? If in this case what I'm questioning is my "thought" then I need to find out if it's true. If my thought in this matter cannot be validated (backed up) then the "thought" just isn't true.

 "Byron Katie" (author of the book: Loving What Is) calls this "inquiry".
Inquiry is defined as: "The process by which we question or challenge our thoughts". <giggle> Byron Katie has a label for my obsession with understanding :)
Anyway...This process can be an uncomfortable one. When we question ourselves and something we have believed for a long time to be true, we can become very uncomfortable with the upheaval that this  "belief distortion" can cause in our mind. We build a foundation of learning experiences into our minds as "Fact" or "beliefs". This is a process from about the age of 6 or 7. Our mind previous to that is our own. It's merely a function of brain maturity. The brain of a 3 or 4 yr old hasn't been told that putting a peanut butter sandwich in the vcr is wrong. They simply have not had enough experience in the world to know certain things. It's trial and error. But as we grow, the process where we socialize and become more interactive with our parents, teachers and mentors, we learn those little things we call "suppose to's" and "shoulds". This is the "Underworld" or the "foundation" of our "belief system". Our "foundation in the beginning is built on little things. Example: A 3 yr old child runs naked through a dinner party. The parent's immediate response is to say "NO. Dont ever do that again. Dont ever embarrass us again".
What does the child learn?
Running through the living room is bad. Period. Naked isn't even a concept...Embarassment isnt remotely a concept. Those are the parent's issue. The child learns those type of lessons from Parents, Mentors, teachers etc.. As children we learn that the people who are here (on this earth) before us know "the way". We don't question it. We assume the roles they lay out for us. The foundation is layed.
Now as teenagers and adults, we learn that the foundation may be flawed. Nobody's fault. No blame here. Our parents, teachers, grandparents, etc... did as those who went before them. The foundation isn't entirely flawed, but may have some cracks. When this realization comes about there can be some very real turmoil.
Remember the movie "Carrie"?
What did Carrie's mother say when she wanted to go to the High School Dance? AAAARRRMAGEDON!!! It's kind of like that. Chaos! The end of life as we know it!
Your mind and body react to "assaults" to it's foundation in that very same way.You feel like a traitor. You feel like you are betraying your "belief system". Here's the rub: If inquiry shows that a part of our "foundation" may be flawed then we may find that the (foundation) doesn't support Reality. This now causes a shift in the way we view Everyday Life. The truth of the matter is we are all individuals.  We all grew up in different houses. We may have grown up in the same community, so we have some similarities in the way we were raised, but for the most part we are different.
We all are responsible for ourselves.
The "shoulds" and "supposed to's" don't apply to anyone but us. If this is what You identify with, then it is Your "should", not anyone else's. Byron Katie explains that statements including the words "should" are false, because it isn't.
Example;  My boyfriend should pick up his socks and not leave them on the bathroom floor. This statement is false. Do you know why? Because he doesn't. Period. He doesn't. It is that simple. This leaves me a few choices. Do I pick up the socks because it will drive me insane to have socks on the bathroom floor, or do I scream and yell like a scorned mother and shame this grown man into picking up his socks causing resentment and anger for however long it lasts, (arguments always start with socks but never end there, do they?) Or, do I simply leave them right where they are and go on with my life???  The bottom line is what do I want in my life.
What choice am I making for my life at this moment?
In my life right now today. I want peace. Peace is at the forefront of my being. So, sometimes I pick up the socks and sometimes I don't. Sometimes He actually does. It's not life altering, but it's also not an issue I choose to brood over or even pay attention to. Because what we pay attention to in our lives we bring about more of! Do I want more issues about socks???  Oh for God sakes, No of course not! I want to enjoy my life. I want to remain at peace and be happy. The truth is, that even the life altering things give us choices...their just harder to see at first, but we can find them if we look closely enough. Just call on your inner Columbo!

 Tomorrow:  "Back to the socks again...?"

Who died and made me Emily Post?

Ok, so I have a question: 

When did I become my partner's teacher, mother & manners coach?
Why is it up to me to correct this person when he is rude? Who gave me the job of showing a grown man that he isn't the center of the universe. Who made it my job to point out this person's "bad behavior"? Who am I to tell him that it is completely self centered to walk in a room where someone is reading, blurt out words and expect a response? Why is it my job to tell someone that his everyday plights are not my business and although I empathize with him, I dont understand why it is my job to make him feel better about them. Especially when he never does this for me. Why does it bother me? Why is it an issue? Am I just impatient? Am I too critical?
Why do I care if this person is rude? What is rude? Who defines it? Why is it an afront to me personally?
Is it because of MY culture? Is it because of what I think is RIGHT vs what he thinks isn't a "big deal"?
Maybe someone else has a different belief. Does that make their belief or mine more important? Is the issue important at all?

Boy am I perplexed.

I have been away from writing for a while. A blurb here and there, but only because I truly am not finding an answer.

I may not have be looking in the right place... Seems that to find the answer to some of these questions, I need to look somewhere inside of myself. A book, an article, a blog is not going to tell me why I make myself the judge of all creation! Who am I? How did I become so righteous? Is there no place for difference of opinion? What about patience? Kindness?

Guess I'll finish reading and try to get it all straight. Wish me luck!

Journeys and Paths...

When you have inspired thought, you have to trust it, and you have to act on it.

Everyone seems to have there own reason for doing what they do to make there way in life. So many people are motivated by the end result that they lose sight of the journey. I read a book recently that most would balk at as a philosophical piece that is nice to read, but not worth the time spent to read it. I so disagree. Although most philosophical pieces are full of inspiration and light hearted thoughts this piece makes sense.

The writer takes you on a journey with a man who has lost all hope in himself. His family is drowning in debt and lost all faith in him. This writer takes you and this man through a journey where you follow the path always traveled.  The path to making others successful. Our "daily grind", as it were.
 The man in the book, always saw others who attained their goals as "lucky" or "smarter" or "having less integrity" than he. How many of us have come upon people like that in our lives? People who appear to "have it all"?  Of course we have. Did we ever stop to see that this person's journey, might not have been the same as ours. Did we ever stop to think "I want my own journey"? Did we ever think we were brave enough to get off the beaten path and forge our own journey? We wake up everyday with the same opportunity everyone else does. We wake up with the opportunity to continue on being comfortable in what we KNOW or we can decide to forge a NEW journey where we KNOW we will attain our Goal.

A few months ago I chose the latter. I chose my GOAL. I didnt ask anyone's permission. I saw it. I believe it. I do it EVERYDAY, and So can you!

Belief in yourself and knowing what you want, is the key to getting it done. The ability to truly know what you want is all you need. Knowing what you want will bring on the way to get it. You first have to KNOW what you want.

Write down your goals, this makes it easier to visualize. Keep reading it. Set the words to memory. Visualize your dream accomplished. This makes your dream a reality in your subconscious. Convincing yourself that you have what it takes to accomplish your goal is 95% of the work. We are our own worst critic. We have to train ourselves to be our own promoter. Nobody wants to see you succeed more than you!
Help everyone else know, you are that person. You are a success!
Realize that the naysayers are people on the well traveled path of making other people successful.
They are afraid to take your journey. They are afraid to be on their own, on a road they have never traveled. Of course they have never traveled it, they have never been successful!


You are on a brave journey. You are on a journey to success. As you get to know this road, it will become familiar to you, so that you will never need to go back in the other direction. This road will be more comfortable. This road will be the easier way to get to your goal. You have the GPS!

Remember, everyone thought Columbus was crazy!
Misery loves company someone said... ever wonder where that came from?
We want happiness, not misery. We want to love what we do and be successful while doing it!  We deserve the comfort and happiness that comes with doing something you love. Simple as that.
Believe in yourself. The goal and the way will show itself once you do.
You deserve it & It WORKS!

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Life Happens...to everybody

Ok, so previously, I told you that my frame of reference was that if I worked hard I would get security.
My definition of security: "Being able to pay my bills and live the life I was accustomed to." I never aspired to be Rockefeller. I just wanted to be content. I wanted my life back.

Today, my research and reading, have lead me to another school of thought and it brings about new questions. What do I want?

Does wallowing in my misery give me what I want ? Does the darkness of my life console me and lull me into a coma ? Is that why I so easily accept this? Do I not remember what it was to fight back? I think it has been so long since I've won a fight, that it's hard to imagine. Remember, I'm not only fighting the world outside, I have my santuary (home) in turmoil also.

But, Try this:
Do you remember what it was like as a kid to swing on the swings at the park, not a care in the world. Just living life and dreaming of tomorrow? Looking up, basking in the warm afternoon sunlight and feeling the wind wash over you as you moved across the sky on your swing? Remember that?  What did you dream?  Did you dream you would be a pilot? a nurse? a baker? maybe, rich like Rockefeller?
Do you remember how it felt to dream those dreams? It was exciting, right? It was fun, right?  So, What happened? Why did the dreaming stop? Did you attain those dreams? Did you continue to dream? Or, did you go on in life and "Grow Up". To some people "Growing Up" means giving up their dreams and aspirations for the life THEY want to live and accept the life that has happened to them. That's what happened to me, kinda.

I used to sit in the park across from my house on the merry go round. I use to spin and spin, feeling the wind rush past me, as I propelled myself with one sneakered foot in the dirt. I would close my eyes and daydream about my life. I saw myself with a man I was head over heels in love with, surrounded by our beautiful children. We would own a beautiful modest home in the little New England town we grew up in and live happily ever after. That excited me!  The thought of a wonderful future.

 So, what happened? Did I get my Happily Ever After?  Did I get what I so "childishly" dreamed for?

I did!

As I said, I'm a fighter. I believed I deserved everything I wanted. (well at least I use to)
I fell in love, in High School. I found a wonderful Man who understood and fought with me for everything we wanted! We worked hard. Sometimes we both had 2 jobs! We bought the house, we had a beautiful son. We were a team!

My dreams came true. I felt contentment. I felt safe. I felt successful. I had the dream come true! I have to admit that at the time I might not have realized it. But I have found that life (or the Universe, or God) has a way of making you look at things and see things in a way you didnt see at the time.
I didnt stop dreaming though. The excitement was always in tomorrow. I enjoyed today and lived for tomorrow. Mark and I spent many mornings cuddled in bed, pillow talking about out next adventure. It is something dreams are made of today.
So how did I get to this place in my life?
Life happened. We all have things that happen in our life that we never see coming. How we react to them, is what shapes what happens next.

Two months before my husband's 40th birthday, He died. Life as I knew it was over. My best friend in the whole world, was gone. The person that I had been with for more than 20 years of my life. The only person in the world who understood my values, my core, my dreams, Was gone. The bottom of my world fell out. You see, I know what it's like to have to deal with what life gives you and what life takes away. To feel as though the rug was pulled out from under me and still have to go on and live life was infathomable.
I had no choice. I had a 13 yr old son who looked at me when His life had changed forever and now realized I was all he had.

When he woke at night with nightmares, I had to tell him we would be ok. Even though I had no idea how we could.  I spent night after night at my bedroom door listening, for the slightest whimper so that he wouldnt have to endure the terror of his dreams. I had to go on. We had to go on. I had to prove we were going to be OK and we were. We did it! We lived through it.
It meant that I didnt have to believe what the people around me defined as "Life".
It takes thought, and mental struggle sometimes to think of how every situation can be, or at the very least lead to, something positive. It takes getting up and brushing yourself off. The wind is knocked out of you, no doubt.  But at that moment you HAVE to get up!

Life (or God, or the Universe) hands you situations. You then have a choice. This is Free Will. How do I handle it?

Well, how does it fit into MY plan? Does it fit into MY plan? Does it derail my plan?

There is a school of thought that says "We plan and God Laughs".  I use to think that was funny. I dont think so anymore. I think its surrender.
Anhhh, I have no control. God has other plans for me. Wow, how important are we? We dont have to do anything, God will just take care of everything. It's HIS plan. We don't even need to think about it. If that were the case, Why do anything? Why make the effort to get out of bed? why eat? why live? You're  just God's puppet, when he wants you to do something he'll do it.

Right?

Ahhhhh, Remember a little while ago..I said almost the same thing. I gave up. I didnt understand why I needed to do anything because no matter what I did the outcome would be the same.
I was wrong. WE make our own OUTCOMES! IT's true! We are given signs, situations, and circumstances.  We then can make decisions and take actions. This is what brings about the Outcome!  IT's true! I swear it's TRUE! I'll show you
.
See you tomorrow.

Talk to me, Leave me a Comment.  Let me know where you are in this universe. Let me know what your situation is. Let me know how you have responded to life.

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How your Mindset can be the key to how you view your life

 In our last session, I explained that my mindset was one of settling. I didn't see a difference between one lifestyle and the other.
I know now that this "mindset" was the side effect of depression in exorbitant parameters, but it was MY mindset.
Did I have to be as miserable as everyone else around me?  Misery was my frame of reference. How was I recognize something to be grateful for?  What did I have to be grateful for?  I couldn't see it. Was it that my boyfriend gave me a roof over my head and food to eat without charging me the $500.00 rent he usually charged me? I was living essentially for free. It was hard to see and this is why:  I feel as many other women do, that  if a man "takes care of you" he makes sure you know He has control and that you need to do what makes HIM happy or you will lose what little you existence you do have. Well in my experience anyway... So I made sure I did everything humanly possible to maintain my existence.  So I felt it payment in full.  Trade equity: Equal. It's not like if I didn't live there he wouldn't pay electricity, or cable. But, if I didn't live there, he would be doing his own laundry and cook all of his own meals; including the lunches he saved 50-60 dollars a week on. Not to mention the lowered B/P and Blood Sugar and 8 lb weight loss from cutting out Fast Food. Trade Equity: Equal (at best).
I am human in any event.  Although I know I am "screwed", I try to accept my situation and in accepting my situation, I sometimes choose to ignore the fact that as a human being I should at least expect to be treated with respect. It makes the day go by easier. If I don't think about it, it doesn't matter.
As in any couple, we have fights. I said I was human, not super-human. I do sometimes speak up when I think enough is enough and usually that's when He drinks.  As it turns out that comes to be almost every weekend, as he says "He WORKS and he deserves to have a drink (or 6) on his day off."  When he drinks he is not to be talked to. This is one of the rules. As he explains it, I shouldn't talk to him because it could change his mood, and that can change everything!
You see I have my Brave moments when I don't see the whole picture Moments when I think that being spoken to for more than 6 hours @ a decibel that every neighbor can hear becomes intolerable.  The result of that is He throws me and my belongings literally in the street. Many times, I have sat at the curb, with nobody to call, no phone to call them with, and nowhere to go. Just sitting there at first thinking, I've had enough. Nobody should live this way. Something has to give. Then the reality of the situation comes to me and I am still sitting on the curb ALONE.  After a few hours he comes out and apologizes and explains that even in MY anger,  I should know better than to change his mood when he is drinking. He then asks me to come back in.
Of course I do, because I See no other choice. No options. My mindset tells me "This is my life". (stay on the roof, someday, someone will come)
I know that everyone has their trials, and learning experiences but this is mine. (for now) I was once told by someone close to me that I was lucky that he wasn't physically violent. Isnt that sad? This person actually thought it uplifting to say that I should be glad that he isn't beating me?  I have to disagree.
I should be glad to find a way to make Myself happy so that I never want to look to another to do so!  To truly feel like you have NO options and feel at the mercy of another is a horrible existence.
No matter the circumstance. Self Esteem is nonexistent, self loathing is a daily ritual. I have to admit, had I not had a son, suicide was my answer. And sometimes I even contemplated what contribution I really was to his life...(the idea of: jumping off the roof into the water, not even waiting for the boat ::shaking my head::) I wanted nothing more than to simply make the emotional pain stop.  I never once thought to look toward what I did want, rather than what I did not! You know what they say...You attract what you think. Wow! How powerful is that? How powerful is it to realize, You attract this to your life?
I want to feel better. I know that the way I feel isn't "Me". I'm a fighter. I can take care of myself. I've done it before! What was different then?
My life has taken many twists and turns that have made me look inward and find the strength to go on. To believe that I can change the situation, for whatever reason.
My husband, my son's father, died. I knew what it was to lose all sense of yourself and have to learn how to go on ALONE.
After that life altering experience, I was the person that other people turned to, for a smile, for company, for support to "get a life". How did I get from there to here? What happened? What happened  to me?

I got here because, Life Happened and I didn't respond. Simple as that. This is Life on the other side of happiness.

Coming up tomorrow, Dont give up yet!

Shelley Marsden says:  "The conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time either positive or negative. When we have negative thoughts on a regular basis we start to feel down and depressed, we get annoyed by little things, we notice aches and pains, and use language that keeps us in this downward spiral such as, I can't or I'm rubbish, when in this cycle it is hard to stop and becomes a habit, this becomes our experience and our truth. If we become aware of our negative thoughts and resolve to change each one to a more positive vein of thinking, this will after a time become a habit and our experience of life will reflect this."

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