Just a weird morning:.....
I woke today with a cloudiness. I have no recollection of what I dreamt, no idea what the basis for this "fog" is...but nevertheless I can't clear my mind. My heart is on the verge of a good cry...don't ask me why..it just is...I sat for a while had a cup of tea and quieted myself to try to get some sense of it.
I thought about nothing...concentrated on the quiet...and then the picture became as clear as a 70 inch HDTV!
I am about to go on a trip. A vacation of sorts. 10+ days seeing people who have judged me and expected things of me, my entire life.
I know in order to feel mercy and acceptance I first have to accept myself. I honestly thought I lived that creed. So why am I so anxious? These people don't pay my bills. Their opinion has never changed 1 iota of my life. What they think of me is not a game changer for me in anyway...Is this truly the issue?
I think my fog is really more of walking the talk...Am I ready? Do I really accept myself?
Well...Yes. I accept that I have had faults, I have made mistakes but I have also never intentionally hurt anyone. So yes, I accept myself just as I am..dyed grays & thunder thighs and all!
Ya know, Psalms 139 says "He knows words that we have not yet uttered". He accepts us. It may be because he knows the outcome, it may be just because He made us. The only true unconditional love we ever receive comes from Him. I'm good with that.
I know I am not what other people want me to be..or think I should be. I also know, I have done the best I can, with the tools I have been given. I know people and events come into my life so that I may learn from them. I do the best I can. I learn what I can, and I move on. So there it is... Mind cleared.
You either join me in my journey by accepting me the way I am, or step aside as I move on, because I plan to Enjoy the ride.