Working Hard for the wrong reason....?

We left off at the question: "How did I get Here from There"?  Remember I said, I got here because, Life Happened and I didn’t respond. It is almost as Simple as that. This was Life on the other side of happiness.
No rescue boats in sight, rain flooding, and I'm sitting and waiting.
Feeling boxed in and tied to my misery, I escape to my computer. God Bless the internet.
While on the computer, I feel I can at least learn. I can at least read and study, and feel as though I am not wasting every moment of everyday just sitting on the sofa watching Tv or waiting for the phone to ring, for the next job interview.

In the beginning of the year, I came upon a book. The "Jackrabbit Factor". It was a Great read!  Made alot of sense.
Many good points! But, after a few weeks of getting Leslie Householder's referral emails to every Tom, Don and Harry's infomercials I began to think I was duped into "drinking the koolaid".  Although deep inside I had heard the message and truly believed some of the things that were said, my mind could not get away from the fact that this "good" information was tied to such smarmy ideas. My mind kept saying, if this "positive" information is such a wonderous thing, then why isnt it good all by itself? Why do we need "fluff" attached??

Here's what I have found to be completely true:
Of course, its true that if you continue to do the same thing and expect a different outcome, you are only kidding yourself. The very definition of Insanity tells us this.
Also, if you continue to surround yourself with the same people you have known all your life and those people are not successful, you will not gain success. In that I mean, if you want positive things to happen, you have to put yourself in an environment that fosters a mindset where you truly believe good things can happen to you, and allow yourself to receive them. If you continue to surround yourself with people who consistently say and think that they are destined to be miserable working hard for "the company" and yet get nowhere, because the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, you cannot possibly find the mindset to believe otherwise. You have no other frame of reference. We as humans work on what we know to be true. If this is what You know to be true, then this is your frame of reference. We also know that the Law of attraction tells us that we attract what we put out. If all you know is misery, then you attract misery. You dont recognize anything else. Face it, when you look at happy people, joyful people, what are you thinking? You think They are not living in reality, right? What if I told you their reality is Joy.  Again, what do you say when you see the guy drive up in the Mercedes? Oh, God here he comes, rubbing it in our face! Wonder what he had to do to get that? Glad I dont have that bill to pay every month!
I ask you, if you want to build a house, do you call an architect or a nurse? It's the same premise. If you want to change your frame of reference, your mindset, get with like minded people. Everyone around you is in the same misery. How about if you surround yourself with the other people? People who are enjoying life? If you saw those people, wouldnt you want to learn from them? Wouldn't you want to know how or why they are doing it and you are not? I did!
Some people believe that "faith" is something left for church, not for life and certainly not for the workplace. But, faith in ourselves is the single most important key to gaining success in the workplace and in life!
Lets face it, most of us were raised to beleive that working hard gets you security. I found in the last year that this isnt true. It just isnt.

 For example, I worked at my last job on average of 60-70 hours per week. I was everything to everyone. I never said No. Even though I worked 16-18 hour days, I answered every call, even when I was outside of the office. I worked my staff's shifts when THEY needed a vacation. I worked on every day-off and was always at everyone's beck and call.
And ya know what I got from that?
Last year, in November, I was FIRED from that job!
I had been on my own, living in a beautiful home with a wonderful roomate. I thought I figured it out. I had removed myself from a bad environment and had moved on to a better life. What I didnt do, was remove the mindset that came out of the bad environment. I thought that being on my own and taking care of myself so well, while someone else was miserable, was selfish. I had invested alot in a relationship and thought it would benefit me to maintain some semblance of that relationship. I didnt change my mindset. I should have.
I was fired from my 50,000 a year job. The job that afforded me my new freedom. I was fired for 2 reasons. I only realized the 2nd reason a few days ago and that was the REAL reason I was fired.
I had worked so hard that I had no life. I had no personal time to enjoy the fruits of my labor or my new found freedom.  I dont know about you, but if Laurie doesnt get playtime at least once in a while she is cranky.

So, I was not the smiley and cheerful person at the office, but everyone knew that if something needed to be done I was the one to call. They called me when they needed something, but behind closed doors, I was not a smiley face they were happy with. I was angry. I resented them. I did everything for everyone! (the same as I did in my relationship)  They pushed their work off on me. They did that so "they" could live their lives and not bother themselves with the details. They realized something I didnt. Life moves forward, whether I participate or not. whether I enjoy it or not. The Law of Perpetual motion tells us that Movement is always happening. Time goes on.

Suddenly, one Sunday afternoon, while I was at work (doing someone else's shift) I received a call from my son who lived 1500 miles away. Mommy, I had an accident. I'm going to need surgery! My son was critically ill. I had to leave the state to go to him. It was life or death. I didnt think twice. Taking care of my Son was more important than anything else I could think of. I was all He had and vice versa. (His father had passed away when he was 13)  I had to go to him. I called my Boss, assured her that I would take my work with me, as she reminded me that nobody could do my job, and that I was leaving the company in the lurch.
While away, I performed everything in my job description verbatum. From my son's bedside I took calls from work. I was getting 2 hours of sleep, but I made sure all of MY work was done. I felt good. I actually felt that I was lucky to be able to have a job that I could perform and still be at my son's side. (It's good to be grateful for what you have now.) My son was released from the hospital and thankfully made a full recovery. The day I returned to my office, I was called to the VP's office and immediately let go. I was in awe. I was angry and felt betrayed. Just 2 weeks before when I was getting ready to leave, "nobody could do my job". Now I'm Fired???

I look back at it now and realize 2 things.
(1.) Being everything to everyone isnt going to take care of Me.  Hard work at something you are not doing for yourself, will get you nowhere. In work, in love and in life!
(2.) Secondly and most importantly; Nobody wants to be around someone who is miserable. No matter the reason. No matter how much "you're needed"
So, I was put out in the cold. (kinda funny thinking of it that way, I live in Florida.)  I made it easy for them. I found that people will deal with alot as long as you smile. So thats it. My summation, Hard work, DOES NOT give you security and it's not the way to a joyful life unless it's something you do for you.  I was really bewildered. This was all I knew. This was my frame of reference!
What do I do now? I can no longer afford to live on my own, I can't pay my bills, I have no family or anyone to help me.

I am screwed!

Tomorrow: Learn why I wasn't screwed and why this was part of my biggest life's lesson.

Let me know how much of this rings true to you. Are you living your best life?  Do you give until you have nothing left? How is that working for you? Let me know, chat with me. Leave a comment.

How your Mindset can be the key to how you view your life

 In our last session, I explained that my mindset was one of settling. I didn't see a difference between one lifestyle and the other.
I know now that this "mindset" was the side effect of depression in exorbitant parameters, but it was MY mindset.
Did I have to be as miserable as everyone else around me?  Misery was my frame of reference. How was I recognize something to be grateful for?  What did I have to be grateful for?  I couldn't see it. Was it that my boyfriend gave me a roof over my head and food to eat without charging me the $500.00 rent he usually charged me? I was living essentially for free. It was hard to see and this is why:  I feel as many other women do, that  if a man "takes care of you" he makes sure you know He has control and that you need to do what makes HIM happy or you will lose what little you existence you do have. Well in my experience anyway... So I made sure I did everything humanly possible to maintain my existence.  So I felt it payment in full.  Trade equity: Equal. It's not like if I didn't live there he wouldn't pay electricity, or cable. But, if I didn't live there, he would be doing his own laundry and cook all of his own meals; including the lunches he saved 50-60 dollars a week on. Not to mention the lowered B/P and Blood Sugar and 8 lb weight loss from cutting out Fast Food. Trade Equity: Equal (at best).
I am human in any event.  Although I know I am "screwed", I try to accept my situation and in accepting my situation, I sometimes choose to ignore the fact that as a human being I should at least expect to be treated with respect. It makes the day go by easier. If I don't think about it, it doesn't matter.
As in any couple, we have fights. I said I was human, not super-human. I do sometimes speak up when I think enough is enough and usually that's when He drinks.  As it turns out that comes to be almost every weekend, as he says "He WORKS and he deserves to have a drink (or 6) on his day off."  When he drinks he is not to be talked to. This is one of the rules. As he explains it, I shouldn't talk to him because it could change his mood, and that can change everything!
You see I have my Brave moments when I don't see the whole picture Moments when I think that being spoken to for more than 6 hours @ a decibel that every neighbor can hear becomes intolerable.  The result of that is He throws me and my belongings literally in the street. Many times, I have sat at the curb, with nobody to call, no phone to call them with, and nowhere to go. Just sitting there at first thinking, I've had enough. Nobody should live this way. Something has to give. Then the reality of the situation comes to me and I am still sitting on the curb ALONE.  After a few hours he comes out and apologizes and explains that even in MY anger,  I should know better than to change his mood when he is drinking. He then asks me to come back in.
Of course I do, because I See no other choice. No options. My mindset tells me "This is my life". (stay on the roof, someday, someone will come)
I know that everyone has their trials, and learning experiences but this is mine. (for now) I was once told by someone close to me that I was lucky that he wasn't physically violent. Isnt that sad? This person actually thought it uplifting to say that I should be glad that he isn't beating me?  I have to disagree.
I should be glad to find a way to make Myself happy so that I never want to look to another to do so!  To truly feel like you have NO options and feel at the mercy of another is a horrible existence.
No matter the circumstance. Self Esteem is nonexistent, self loathing is a daily ritual. I have to admit, had I not had a son, suicide was my answer. And sometimes I even contemplated what contribution I really was to his life...(the idea of: jumping off the roof into the water, not even waiting for the boat ::shaking my head::) I wanted nothing more than to simply make the emotional pain stop.  I never once thought to look toward what I did want, rather than what I did not! You know what they say...You attract what you think. Wow! How powerful is that? How powerful is it to realize, You attract this to your life?
I want to feel better. I know that the way I feel isn't "Me". I'm a fighter. I can take care of myself. I've done it before! What was different then?
My life has taken many twists and turns that have made me look inward and find the strength to go on. To believe that I can change the situation, for whatever reason.
My husband, my son's father, died. I knew what it was to lose all sense of yourself and have to learn how to go on ALONE.
After that life altering experience, I was the person that other people turned to, for a smile, for company, for support to "get a life". How did I get from there to here? What happened? What happened  to me?

I got here because, Life Happened and I didn't respond. Simple as that. This is Life on the other side of happiness.

Coming up tomorrow, Dont give up yet!

Shelley Marsden says:  "The conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time either positive or negative. When we have negative thoughts on a regular basis we start to feel down and depressed, we get annoyed by little things, we notice aches and pains, and use language that keeps us in this downward spiral such as, I can't or I'm rubbish, when in this cycle it is hard to stop and becomes a habit, this becomes our experience and our truth. If we become aware of our negative thoughts and resolve to change each one to a more positive vein of thinking, this will after a time become a habit and our experience of life will reflect this."

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