Through all of my reading lately I have come to know one thing. Not everyone realizes what it means to say "Everybody has a story". Contrary to popular belief a person's "story" is not their "real" life experience. It has come to my attention that people don't even realize they are here to "experience" life. They walk through life getting through the tasks. They are just numbing their way through. Just muddling through, day after day with no particular enjoyment or realization that time is passing.
People live with mantras. Stories they tell themselves to get through events. These mantras escape the confines of their mind sometimes in the form of excuses and explanations. They don't even realize their doing it. It's funny that once you actually come to understand what this experience is all about, the way you look at people and the way they act becomes very interesting. You begin to hear and see people in a very different light. Others become more of a learning experience.
Here's my take on this:
The perception that the events that occur in our life, are what
define our life, is not only wrong but the easy way out. For example a woman might say, "I will never find the right guy because my father physically abused me." or "I have never found a good job, I'll always be poor because my resume is terrible". "I didn't get my degree, so I'm not successful".
"I got married early and when the children came along I didn't have time to do what I wanted". These are Mantras. Stories we tell ourselves and anyone else who'll listen, to explain why we have given up. Why we muddle through each day with no intent and no vigor for the "gift of life" we have been given.
These stories are the "excuses" we use to justify our actions in our hearts and in our minds. This doesn't make them TRUE.
The incidents and events that have happened are just that. Events. They do not define our life in any way.
If you choose to hang on to those excuses you have decided to make them valid. It still does not change the fact that YOU made the decision NOT to do what you wanted to do.
So as I come to this realization and I now, have to ask myself "What are my Mantras?" Tough question.
This means if I have these Mantras, I have to recognize them. That also means if I recognize them as Mantras I have to either dispell them or justify keeping it. Oh no! This means that the stories I have been telling myself
for so many years, has to change??? Does this mean I have to own up to the fact that I have always made every decision?
This is a tough path...Lets take this one slowly.
Ok, my first Mantra. I was a Daddy's Girl, but he left when I was 13 and this screwed up my life forever. I now was a single parent child, now poor and no longer spoiled. My life was ruined! I was going to go to public school, have to move..etc... Ok, Ok, I know...nothing that happens when you are 13 dictates what happens "the rest" of your life.
I also realize, the marriage rate is >50% divorced in this country. I'm not that different from anyone else. So I guess that "Mantra" is gone!
2nd Mantra: I had to LPN out of College because my husband got sick and I had to go to work. He then died and I never got the chance to become an RN. Hmmmm, this is a tough one. I truly believe I did the right thing, here.
But I guess it's not completely true. I guess I could have taken the money I made, and have well paid for myself to go and finish my degree. What does this mean though? What does this truly mean? Did I NOT want to become an RN?
Looking at it today.. I would have to say yes. I DID NOT want to be an RN. Can I answer why? Nope. I really don't know.
I have others, but those 2 were biggies for Me. Now the rest of the questions come into play. So, if I don't WANT to be an RN, what do I want? How do I know? Where do I start? For God sakes.. I'm too old to not know what I want to be when I grow up...aren't I?
At this moment in my life, I am looking at MY Experience. My experience has been what I have made of it.(or not)
Right or wrong, I made every decision, I took or didnt take every step that lead to where I am right now.
The only thing I can do is make sure that every step from this moment on is what I Want. I have to know I am the only person living MY experience.
I spoke to someone this week, who said that it is only HUMAN to "feel" for people. That's interesting, but the only thing I can say is, from what I have learned, EVERYONE makes their own decisions. I can feel bad that a person doesn't know what's good for them or exactly what they want for themself. As I didn't. But to allow my empathy to change my experience in any way shouldn't happen. I act in kindness. I don't laugh at anyone's expense. I am open to every person in my life, As I know they are there to teach me something. But I now can draw the line when it "depresses me or angers me" to the point where it could ruin my day. I will not allow anyone that power. I want to be Happy. I know at least that much.
Next time: What do people see when they see me? How do the people that truly know me, see me? What are they thinking, when they think of me? How does this affect me? How does it enter into my decision making? Should it have any influence on how I make decisions? Things to talk about...